Day 15

Weddings. I don’t know how after so many years why we still haven’t figured out an online solution to wedding planning. All you do is enter your date, pick a theme (country, modern, chic), music genre, food, flowers, venue, ect. There’s an app for that… right? I think it would be great to enter in all your info then be able to compare prices like you do for checking flights. If there is a website that simplifies all your choices let me know. If this were possible then what I participated in today wouldn’t need to exist. Bridal fairs. Shouldn’t they really be called wedding fairs in order to be politically correct. Can’t have a wedding without a groom. I guess in some states you can… kudos to those states by the way.

Today as I was trying to promote me and my friends dj business I encountered many frantic and overwhelmed brides… and one or two grooms… tisk tisk grooms. I felt like I was in a farmer’s market trying to convince the customer that my fruit was fresher, sweeter, and less expensive (cheaper isn’t a good word to use… sounds too much like cheap). There is a reason I’m not in sales. It’s exhausting talking to people. Which is probably why I don’t have many friends. I realized that our setup wasn’t as flashy or prestigious as other djs booths, but we were the cheapest (I mean best deal).

I don’t really care to talk about my sales pitching skills, but rather the thousands of brides and their victims that passed through the halls of the wedding smorgasbord. Even though I’m not any where close to walking down any aisle, but one’s shelved with edibles I went through the torture chambers of the bridal fair booths. Wow there are a lot of different things trying to convince of it’s necessity in your wedding. For example, I was stationed next to a woman who had doves that you could release after the ceremony. Doves? There were lovely creatures, but do you have any lions that will walk me down the aisle? Or wolf cubs to hold the flowers? Now that would be awesome. Nothing against doves.

There was over 150 venues. From photographers and cinematographers, djs (the most important), caterers, bakers, florists, stylists, dress designers, plastic surgeons (cause the person who asked you to marry them needed you to change some physical appearances first. “Well sweetheart I guess we can’t get our rings engraved in order to pay for the boob job.”), personal trainers, and so on. There are so many different decisions to make. I got anxiety just through the vibes of the consumers were putting out. And my family wonders why I don’t want to do wedding photography. So much stress. How could anyone afford all this? How do you decide what’s important and what’s not necessary? I’m so glad I’m “waiting” until all my friends get married do so I can learn from their mistakes.

All I want is someone to get everything ready for me and not have to worry. Eloping to Vegas is starting to look better and better. I’m hoping that by the time I’m ready to tie the knot around my neck everything will be programmed online. A girl can dream can’t she? Maybe over the years I’ll just make friends in every different type of wedding field… “Oh you are an event planner? My name is Amy let’s be friends.” I guess I better start work on my communication endurance. Weddings. Is it really worth it? I guess there is only one way to find out.

If I get too old for a Vegas wedding go ahead and give me all your recommendations. I feel like I should be prepared years in advance… for planning my sister’s wedding of course. I’m not the wedding type. Not that I don’t want to get married. I just don’t want what I’ve seen today. I’m thinking cirque du soliel theme. They have lions right?

As for wedding dresses go I won’t drag everyone along to endure in my indecision. Besides I won’t really care about anyone’s opinion anyways. It’ll be short. It’ll be danceable. And I plan on looking hot as hell… Umm… where was that personal training booth again?

I’m not discounting the holy matrimony in every… I mean any… way. I enjoy weddings… as long as they have an open bar… and a great dj of course.

happily ever after

Day 14,

Oh yes he is adorable. No thanks I don’t need to hold him. I don’t know what it is, but babies make me nervous. They are just so fragile. It’s one thing to hold someone’s kitten and accidentally drop it (cause it’ll land feet first) or feed it the wrong kitty food, but if you did something to someone’s baby that’s endless guilt and a potential lawsuit. I’m a practical person and it’s just not worth the risk. Also, I think babies sense my stress and anxiety when I hold them because the calm sleeping baby turns into a crying fit of accusations. At least that is what it feels like.

Today as I was walking into the hospital to see my friend’s new born I told my mom don’t pressure me to hold him. It didn’t take long before my mom picked up the sleeping porcelain doll… and tried to run away with it. She wishes. I know that some people, well most people, find babies to be adorable. I guess there is a certain endearing innocent squishy quality about them, but to be honest I’m more of a puppy and kitty lover. Now those are always cute. You can’t tell me you’ve never seen an ugly baby. Also tiny furry friends seem so much more durable, playful, and already have an idea of how to defend itself. Have you ever seem a 4 month old baby play fetch?

Maybe there is something wrong with me? I know my mom thinks so. She loves babies. It’s to the point that every time she hold or even sees one she gives me a disappointed look because I have yet to produce her a grandchild. If she wants another baby to give her more grey hairs I know Africa is handing them out. They have some cute babies.

As I passively observed the slumbering flesh ball my mom cooed and cawed she tried to convince me that all of the world’s happiness could fit into 1 inch booties and a teddy bear onsie. I was then guilted into holding the little guy. If I was a mom I would make people do trial runs on a doll before I handed over my supposedly “greatest joy”. Omg he’s so light in my arms that are so stiff to make sure he doesn’t slip through. Everything’s so miniature, nose, eyes, even little bits of leg hair. I know you’re expecting me to say that my heart was melted the moment I touched this little angel I couldn’t wait to have one of my own. Well sorry to disappoint you. All I thought was how long do I have to hold him so the mom and my mom are satisfied? Ok my 3 minutes is up. Take him before he starts crying and I look like a jerk. Phew. Me and the baby both survived.

I don’t want anyone to think I’m a baby hater. I just don’t favor smaller humans over bigger ones. All humans have the same value to me and I treat them all with the same respect. Everyone else is just being an ageist. It’s ok I forgive you, but I expect you to work on it. So the next time you are dangling keys in front of lil miss giggles remember the slow old grandpas that give you road rage before you cut him off. They were once babies too. So maybe we should treat everyone like babies. We all know plenty of adults that act like them. Only difference is if I drop them on their head it won’t be on purpose… I mean accident… I’m kidding. Geez calm down… don’t be a baby.

Sorry mom you better start pressuring Anna to reproduce.

Day 13,

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. My mind feels so clear when I’m in the pool doing laps. It’s just me and my thoughts. Someone once told me that they aren’t creative enough to swim. He said that he didn’t like his mind being that open to try and create distractions from constant swimming. I however love just hearing the water and my thoughts. There’s nothing like getting out of the pool after a nice swim. Muscles are relaxed and tired, but refreshed. I know many people don’t enjoy swimming even though it is one of the best harmless activities. Even 90 year old people can enjoy a slow paddle or aqua aerobics.

I learned to swim around 2 years old because we had a pool at our house and my parents were afraid I would sneak out and drown. I can actually remember crying in the pool when I was getting my first lessons. Even at a young age you learn that no matter how upset you are that when the instructor says hold your breath right before the dunk you definitely take a nice inhale and hold. The moment you get out the water you resume crying, but the instructors never seemed to be phased by it.

My parents got so much satisfaction from taking me and my sister to the public pools to watch other parents jump out of the seats when they saw a 3 and 5 year old jump into the water because they didn’t expect us to know how to swim. Demented parents, trust me I know. It wasn’t too long before I was competing in swim meets and getting the nice blue ribbons (participation award).

I don’t know why I transitioned from swimming to tennis. Swimming is so simple. All you really need is water. With tennis you need a court, racket, balls, opponent, proper shoes, and clothes. Maybe I was just trying to make it hard on my parents.

Now that I’m older and somehow I injured my hip (that’ll take a whole blog to cover) all I do is yoga and swimming. I now understand why I quit swimming. It’s not simple. It’s a hassle. I’d love to say I just walk outside my mansion to my limitless pool or private ocean beach whenever I feel like it and swim till the dolphins take me home. The only problem is that I’m not a pretentious jerk with a billion dollars to blow… oh but how I wish I was. Instead I grab my swimsuit, swim cap (yes I look adorable in it), goggles along with all my shower accessories eg. shampoo, deep conditioner (because chlorine and hair aren’t friends), and a towel. Then I go the gym’s pool and hope that the water’s warmer than it is outside.

First I do the slow dip while trying to stay on my tippy toes to keep my chest above water… for some reason that’s always the hardest to dunk when it’s cold. I wish I could say that I just dived in and took off swimming like back when I looked cute in a one piece. Unfortunately, I realized that if you haven’t swam in a while it can be quite a challenge. It’s not all hop in and doggie paddle like the good ol’ days. There are many difficulties you can face in the water… besides not knowing how to swim. Number one priority is getting a swimsuit that is sturdy enough to stay on you. So your sun bathing bikini isn’t the best choice. Also, make sure you don’t buy a white swim suit not realizing that once it’s wet it’s see through. For some reason you are never alone in the shower when you have this revelation. You might be standing in front a crowd who are all trying to learn how to swim with the dolphins when you notice that people can see more than just that you’re cold… honestly though what asshole makes a see through swimsuit? Anywho… I just feel really bad for that um friend who had that unfortunate experience.

Another common problem I have while swimming is water getting into my goggles. No mater how fancy the Michael Phelps sponsored goggles are they always leak every now and then. Then the rest of the day you have to explain why your eyes are so bloodshot… Geez guys it’s just the chlorine. I’m trying to be like Phelps… wait not like that… fine I’ll do the drug test.

The swim cap. I’m not quite sure of it’s purpose other than to make me look even more foolish since it doesn’t prevent the chlorine from destroying my hair. So it’s must be to keep hair out of my eyes along with ripping out strands when I put it on or take it off. But let’s just say that your suit isn’t see through, your goggles don’t leak, and your adorable swim cap keeps your locks in check then all you have left to do is push off the wall and don’t stop…. well until you get to that next wall. I don’t know how many times I’ve hit my head or the back of my hand on the wall. They should really put cushions there to prevent concussions. It took me about 20 times swimming over 100 laps to remember how to turn on the wall. I guess I could have just done the stop and turn, but if my 8 year old self can do it then it should come back to me at some time… just like riding a bike. Once I finally mastered the turn and could do a non-stop push off the wall it felt amazing. No more floundering and hitting my head. I finally got it… “Hey Amy where did you learn to do your turns?” asked the gym’s swim coach. Damn. So it still needed improvement. Secretly I watched the swim team and mimicked how they did it. Ya their way was better. Barely.

The next most detrimental problem I have in swimming is getting water up my nose. Why does it hurt so much? It feels like a hot prong went into my brain and no matter how much I blow through my nose it won’t go away. If I was ever going to torture someone I would force them to try turns in the pool… that’s bound to create bruises and send lava into their nostrils.

Don’t forget the swimmer’s ear. Seriously why do I even swim? This is a dangerous sport. Who cares about relaxed muscles and a clear mind. I can’t believe 90 year olds do this. Maybe it is all the problems that you endure in swimming that make it so rewarding when you get out of the pool? I hope this blog didn’t discourage you from swimming… unless you swim at my gym. I hate sharing a lane.

OH HO HO How I love to swim”

my new swimsuit… also what not to wear swimming laps

Day 12

So due to yesterday’s intervention I went to help my sister create a beauty vlog this morning. I gave her instructions on what to have ready for when I got there.

Anna’s list:
1. Outline what we are trying to accomplish
2. Set up lights (the beauty dish we are lucky enough to borrow)
3. Hang up back drop (black blanket)
4. Figure out what camera you want to use (iPhone 4s)
5. Write down what you are gonna say

I show up at 11:30 and everything is set up and ready to go. I’m actually impressed till I see that the camera (iPhone) was turned vertically. Where have I gone wrong? Has anyone seen a vertical tv or computer? Why do people film vertically? Easy 90 degree fix. Ok ready to go. Lights, camera, action… Ummm… wait I keep forgetting what I’m gonna say.

Well did you write a script? Oh you didn’t. Ugh actors (eye roll). I’m sure even Jim Carry memorized a script back when he did stand up. This isn’t freestyle Eminem. If anyone should know that even some kind of outline is helpful if not totally necessary it should be someone who has 2 mil hits on their video. Or are you too good to memorize lines now? Did that successful video have a script? Well yes it did. Tisk tisk. Luckily I was there to save the day.

By the time I walked the dog she was prepared with a little outline to keep her on track. See that wasn’t so bad. With a guideline and some of my tricks of the trade it only took another couple times… multiplied by lots of tries till we got it.

My favorite part of the day is when my sister said, “I’m over this. I didn’t know it was going to be this much work.” Geez and she hasn’t even edited it yet. I wonder if she remembers yesterday when she asked me oh so provokingly if 1 video a week was too much for me? I can’t wait to repeat it to her. Isn’t intervention great?!

Everyone keep your makeupless eyes open for the amazing You’re Not Pretty Enough beauty vlog by world renowned make-up artist Anna Brown.

 

Day 11

I think I might be a little too personally honest in my blogs. They are starting to get me into trouble. This morning I wake up to an email from my mom. A long email. So long I just remembered I forgot to finish it. Hold on. Granted it was for both me and my sister it still came at a suspicious coincidental time after my blog about not having a plan or direction. Here’s the gist of it. “Perhaps, the two of you (me and my sis) could consider starting to use your talents together, which would require focus, inspiration and dedication to a project and each other.” Then so on and so on about being creative and that we are 1 in a million. I’ve heard this my whole life yet right now I feel like the 99%. I think my parents encouraged me too much. Amy you can do anything and everything. That’s too many options. It would have been better to be born in Russia with a preplanned future to be a pro tennis player… or whatever the newest prodigies are coming out of there. I can do anything, but instead I do nothing because I’m indecisive. Better to not start then start and fail. What a terrible mindset. When did I get so lame?

A couple day ago my boyfriend’s mom encouraged me saying that I’m still young and could go back to school and start over trying something new. I totally appreciate options and any advice (love you Star), but it makes me wonder if I shouldn’t be putting my problems so open and available for discussion. I’m actually a very private person. I don’t know why, but I just don’t like sharing about myself. I don’t like people knowing things that can be used against me. Maybe I should just be a celebrity blogger.

Intervention didn’t end there. Later today I agreed to meet my sister for coffee to help her start a beauty vlog (video blog). Before the wise older sister (that’s me) could contribute my expertise I get blindsided by another “Amy you need to start doing some videos. Quit wasting away your talents.” Its bad enough from my mom, even if expected, but now from my lil sis (miss I’ve got 1.4 million hits on my video in 30 hours so now I can lecture you). I start looking around for a camera crew and Dr. Phil to pop out of the bushes. My sis precedes to tell me about her less talented friends who are getting successful because they are at least doing something. Then she wanted to set certain goals for me. She wants me to make a video every week. Geez I already blog and take a pic every day. She antagonizes me by asking if it’s too much for me to handle. Phhh. Fine. A video a week. Next she starts making a schedule… “so this week you’ll make a 30 sec video and next week…”. Now I’m hoping Dr. Phil will come rescue me.

I honestly don’t know why I don’t make videos and put that digital media degree to use. Well when I work full time and take classes the last thing I want to do with my free time is more work. Work with a junky camera (my iPhone would be better), brain storm a dorky idea, then have it take 4 times you think it would to edit the crappy piece. And for what? Practice? Am I just making excuses? Absolutely. The real reason is that I feel inadequate. Why do I wanna produce something that proves I’m not as good as I think I should be? Why do I need the reality check? You like everyone else involved in my intervention along with Dr. Phil might ask, “what do you have to lose?”. Nothing. I have nothing to lose… well except time. So I give in. From now on I’m going to try to make a video a week. Nothing makes me more vulnerable than sharing my art. Therefore my appreciation for constructive criticism will become nonexistent. Once a video is posted it is off limits to haters and film critics… till I have 1mil hits… that’s known to toughen your skin …or give you the right to lecture your sister.

If you have any film ideas let me know and I’ll do my best to make it my own… I mean collaborate. But seriously I need some ideas! Otherwise they’ll all be about my adorable puppy, that’s never been done before, right?

Day 10

No really I am. I just love congratulating people on their success. Don’t you? Comparing my failure to their victory. Why as humans does jealousy overwhelm us when we aren’t the ones basking in praise. Why does it feel so unnatural to be so genuine? Lack of self confidence? Would I be jealous of someone being a world famous pie eater? No. Well how famous would it make them? It’s not really strangers we are jealous of but people that are close to us, ones that we should be happy for. I can own how I feel, but I don’t want to feel this way. I want to be overwhelmed with joy for someone’s hard work and effort finally paying off. I mean I’d want the same from them. Well they can be a little jealous. Why don’t we seem to mind if people are jealous of us? We almost hope that they are. Isn’t that why we talk about ourselves? Post stuff on Facebook? I’m in hawaii, look at the celebrity I just met, look at my engagement ring. Aren’t you jealous?

This undeniable jealousy doesn’t show up with just other’s business success, it could be anything from having nice clothes, popularity, beauty, getting into a nice college, level of degree, even who you are dating. Everyone should know by now that your single friends have no interest in hearing about how amazing your new boyfriend is… “Omg he’s like a mix of James Franco, Ryan Gosling, and Jesus. I love him sooo much. I can’t wait for you to meet him.” Then secretly you hope his face pops up on the local mugshots. Phhh looks like Jesus has a little problem with angel dust.

Jealousy. It’s such a wasted feeling. I would love to win a grand slam, Oscar, Nobel peace prize, the presidency, but I don’t feel jealousy towards these people. Also, the feeling doesn’t arise with people I just met. For some reason it’s people I’ve known a while… like high school or younger. I feel like I’m behind in my timeline, but as long as everyone else I know is too then it’s ok. I think I know why I think that way. If someone from the same town, similar situation, same amount of time on this earth has done something with their life and I haven’t it’s my fault. They didn’t have an unfair advantage, but instead made different decisions. Better ones? Well for that moment it feels like that. You must have made the wrong life decisions and if you had just done more you could have experienced success, popularity, nice clothes, love. Where did I go wrong?

As jealous as I could be I don’t want to trade lives with anyone. Well…maybe… nah. Whatever they did to get to where they are has made them who they are. Same goes for me. I wish some of my circumstances were different, but I don’t want anyone else’s journey, struggle, mistakes or whatever it took for their success. I’ll just have to get it on my own terms. So some day I’ll share my success with you and if you are jealous its ok I won’t judge you.

Oh before I forget my sister did the makeup for an amazing moc-commercial done by the talented Jesse Rosten. Make sure you check it out, it’s going viral. I’m soooo happy for them. No really I’m promise. Oh so proud of my sis. This blog is in no way related to their recent success.

Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

It’s great huh? …jealous?

Day 8

I don’t have false teeth…. yet, but its seems that they are on their way. Ever since I was young I have undergone many forms of oral torture (don’t be gross). I’ll never forget one of the first times my parents betrayed my trust. I was about 9 years old and sitting in a waiting room not knowing what to expect when I see a kid around my age walk out of the backroom with a mouth full of bloody cotton. I looked at my mom and said something like I”m glad I”m not that kid… but wait I was about to be. For some reason the oral surgeon advised my parents to not tell me I was getting my teeth pulled. What kind of dr. is this? Is this what he does to his kids?… “hey kids we are going to Disneyland.” Then he would drop them off at computer camp. Why would you do that to a child? I remember feeling so betrayed. Once I found out I was going under the knife I remember the fear and distrust I had. I looked at my mom, “How could you do this to me? Don’t you love me anymore?”. Over the years it only went downhill. I don’t know why I’ve been cursed with faulty dental. Before I was 12 I had a gum graph (gum graph is when they cut off gum from the roof of your mouth then create a pocket at your gum line and stick the roof gum inside the receding gum line) along 12 teeth pulled.

The second time my parents were dishonest with me is when my mom told me I needed to get more teeth pulled. I cried and said I didn’t care if my teeth were crooked. My mom assured me I wouldn’t have to have braces if I got this done. “Promise? Yes, Promise.” Lies!! About a year later I had to get braces. I should have run away from home after that. I endured through that misery thankful it was all over. I finally had straight teeth and it was only slightly worth it. Now all I had to do was wear my retainer. Well after all that suffering I was definitely going to make sure that I didn’t mess it up by not wearing these silly things. Then around 19 I had to get my wisdom teeth pulled otherwise they’d push my oh so straight teeth forward to crooked town. Nothing like being bed ridden miserable during my Christmas break and then going back to college with chipmunk cheeks. That should have been my last oral hell right?

Oh wait. Due to my lovely genetics I have receding gums. So at 22 I had to have another gum graph. Luckily the roof of my mouth has plenty of extra gum. It is a terrible experience, especially since my medication wasn’t ready when the surgery drugs wore off. I hate my mouth.

As I was admiring my 28 dancing white horses I noticed that the bottom ones seem to have shifted. WTF!! When did this happen?  From the time I got my braces off at 13 through high school, college, and living abroad I wore that damn ugly retainer every night… I might have missed a day or two… but no more than 3 in a row. So how is it that when I went to the orthodontist last year he told me that I needed to have braces again?! Are you kidding me?! I don’t know anyone as vigilant in wearing their retainer as me so how did my teeth move? What conspiracies are going on within the orthodontic society. When they said this I cried in the reclining chair of death. Not only are braces painful, never look good on anyone (especially past 13), they are also friggin expensive. I do not have an extra $1,300 to be apart of this conspiracy again. Am I gonna have to get braces every 10 years because retainers aren’t doing there job. Forget it!

Now if that were the end of my oral misery I wouldn’t have written this blog. However, today I went back to the orthodontist because due to my receding gums my teeth are becoming sensitive. I knew that this was inevitable. All my gums are receding and they only do a few teeth at a time… it’s time for those other teeth. I’ve been stressing about this for a while. As I try to make chit chat with the hygienist my heart rate is rising. I ask her if it is the same procedure as 4 years ago? Do they put you under? Do the stitches dissolve rather than leave the roof of your mouth extremely irritated every time you do anything like talk or eat? Is anything about this experience at all better? Please give me hope… nope… it’s all the same.

Finally the Dr. walks in and takes a look at my cursed mouth. To my surprise my gums haven’t receded any more since my last visit. But just cause they haven’t receded any more doesn’t mean they aren’t still as bad as before. The Dr. gives me 1-2 years to get the gum graph done on my bottom left side. Then 20 years for the top gums. So that’s a little relief. Until they give me the quote for my doom day… $2,200!!!! Ok that’s it give me the dentures.

Day 7

It’s over. Christmas that is. I know it’s been 2 weeks since that wonderful magical day, but the sadness doesn’t set in until all the decorations are put away. The house looks so bleak and dismal now. No more lights, nativity scenes (we have over 30), indoor tree, Sinatra wishing me a joyous season, baking edible men, buying gifts, trying to be more generous. Back to the ho hum of regular life.

I might be one of the few adults who still gets super excited about Christmas. I love everything about it… everything! I might take it a little too far sometimes. I’ve even been called the Christmas Nazi… there is just a certain way the tree should be decorated and am I out of line in wanting the Christmas village to be logical, like the toy store can’t go that close to the ice skating rink the shoppers would slip and fall. Geez. I look up all the local Christmas events going on and I don’t care if I’m the only childless adult on the carriage ride. Actually I was the only childless adult almost everywhere I went. Where did all these kids come from? Well they aren’t interfering with me getting all I can out of this selfless season…

1. decorate house and tree
2. bake cookies
3. buy the perfect presents
4. make a gingerbread house
5. carriage ride
6. see outdoor lights
7. candle dipping
8. watch Elf, Christmas Story, Nightmare Before Christmas, and Scrooged

Did I forget anything? I believe that not enough people cherish the holidays. I don’t know about you, but in my town the Christmas spirit must be infectious… and lots of people are getting the disease. For example, everyone on the road seems to be more anxious and crazy during December. I got cut off at least once every time I was anywhere near the mall. With all the rude drivers it was hard to stay joyous… I just would put on a smile and wave to them with my holiday cheer finger… “And a Happy New Year too you piece of… pie!” Other than that Christmas makes me so happy and optimistic… until I see my January bank statement… oh but isn’t it worth it to get that perfect present… “you totally love it, right?”.

Some day I’ll have my own perfectly decorated house with the aroma of cookies and the sound of holiday cheer and everyone will decorate gingerbread houses, make wreathes, watch the movie elf, go caroling, and do everything!!! or else damn it! Isn’t that what Christmas is about making it picture perfect? No? So maybe I’m not the best example of how to experience Christmas cheer. During a holiday party I was asked what my favorite Christmas memory was. I had such a hard time thinking of a Christmas that stood out amongst all the rest. This was quite upsetting for someone who prides themselves in having an overwhelming fascination with December 25th. Out of all my memories only one stood out. I was probably around 6-9 years old when my whole family got together for a Christmas party. Either my mom or aunt or both were playing Christmas songs on the piano. People were singing, laughing, and everything seemed so joyful. I’m not even sure it was on Christmas day, but I don’t ever remember feeling such an amazing holiday spirit at any other time since then. When I talked to my mom about it she remembered that day too. Yet her favorite memory was seeing the excitement on my grandpa’s face when he would lead everyone on a treasure hunt for a family gift he had hidden. So maybe I shouldn’t worry so much about crossing off my holiday checklist, but invest more time in just relaxing with friends and family. Totally cliche… but next year if anyone wants to join me in my elf-like excitement for Jesus’ Birthday and doesn’t mind riding along in a carriage ride then let me know. Santa’s lap is big enough for the both of us… at least that’s what he told me at the holiday party.

Christmas will always be my favorite time of the year, but you’ll have to be careful cause you might just shoot your eye out.

Day 7

I just love days like these. I wake up sandwiched between our dog Daisy and our puppy Vive. Already a good start. Around 11am I roll outta bed and face an ordinary Saturday. I start off with making crepes for breakfast. I like to mix hearty with unhealthy for my breakfast. So I start off with egg, ham, and cheese crepe then finish with caramelized bananas, chopped walnuts and nutella crepes. Nom nom. At 4pm I was still full and satisfied. Also, my lovely boy washed all the dishes so even more relaxing for me. I forgive him for not liking my caramelized bananas… obviously he doesn’t have a refined pallet.

At 2pm my mom calls and says she can get me and mr tasteless into the Turtle Bay Exploratory for the last live bat exhibit. I’m sure some people don’t have any interest in these cute cuddling night flyers, but I’m like a kid who loves everything especially if it’s free.

They are so cute and so awesome. I want one. Did you know that 25% of the worlds mammals are bats and that less than .5% actually have rabies. Also, they help pollinate much like bees do. Without bats the tequila company would lose millions of dollars from unpollinated agave plants. Think about that next time you’re sipping a margarita. Yet while I’m observing and learning I have the same thoughts as probably all the little kids that were crowded me (sorry I got here first) which was I want to pet it. I don’t care if it bites me and sucks my blood (don’t be ridiculous these were brown bats, vampire bats only live in Latin America. Duh). There aren’t many things that we don’t want to experience tangibly. Or is that just me?

Once they bat lady closed up shop we moved on to the next exhibit. Parrots. It cost an extra dollar and luckily after a treasure hunt in the car we scrounged up $3. Phew. When we entered the cage the employees handed us nectar to feed the parrots. The moment one lands on you the thought of moving to the jungle immediately comes to mind. No? After 10 minutes I was out of nectar, but had one parrot on my head and another one gnawing on my watch. Good thing I didn’t wear the Rolex today.

I could have stayed in there all day. Unfortunately they were closing up and oh crap I’m late to work. Jumped the fence, don’t tell, and fortunately work is just across the street. Oh ya I had to work today so not a perfect day, but it’s only for 4 hours 4-6 and 10-12.

After the inconvenient work I scarfed the homemade pizza leftovers from yesterday. Still delicious. Finished off the day with seeing “In Time” at the dollar theater. Good thing it was cheap.

I know this doesn’t sound like much, but it’s important to appreciate the little things like seeing a bat and feeding parrots on what was meant to be an ordinary Saturday.

Day 6

So one of my resolutions this year is to cook something I haven’t made before every week. Ambitious I know, but I like a challenge. Anyone who knows me and my eating habits know that I have an addiction to pizza. If I was stranded on an island and could only eat one kind of meal it would be pizza. There are just so many different varieties, from toppings, to crust, to how it’s cooked. The possibilities are endless. I figure there is no better way to start of this challenge than by making my favorite meal. Now granted I’ve made pizzas before so it wasn’t too far outside my element like making beef wellington would be. I even had a certain pizza in mind. I went to the library last night to check out this book I’ve used before call Grilled Pizzas & Piadinas by Craig Priebe. It’s all about cooking your pizza on a BBQ. It’s delicious and loads of work… I mean fun. However, when I went to the library last night the book was checked out. Who is doing some pizza barbequing in January? That should have been my first signal to change tactics and move on, but I haven’t had pizza in 2 weeks and I was going through withdrawal. I will not give up.

I should have given up. At 12pm I decided to try a recipe I saw in a Cooking Light magazine. Wait the dough has to be refrigerated overnight?! Who plans that far in advance? I’m starting to think I wouldn’t make it as a housewife. Back to plan A… I go online and luckily someone has posted the pizza dough from Craig’s book online and Craig himself has the rest of the recipe on his website. The day has been saved. Or so I thought. His dough only takes 2 hours to rise and 1 hour in the fridge and since it’s my day off it’s doable. First I’ll get the dough made so it can rise while I’m at the store getting the ingredients. I’m gonna double the recipe and freeze the other half so I can be lazy next week. Look at me planning ahead.

Dough ingredients: yeast (check), flour (check), cornmeal (check), olive oil (check), where is my kosher salt? I just bought a whole box not too long ago. I couldn’t find the kosher salt anywhere… anywhere! Called mom: “I didn’t even know we had that”. Called dad: “No I don’t use kosher salt”. Ok so it has to be around here somewhere. After 30 minutes I look up kosher salt substitutes. Regular salt. I thought to myself, “no I’m gonna do this right”… actually I thought “hmm sea salt sounds fancy enough.” But noooo the sous chef (aka bf… soon to be ex sous chef) demanded we have the right stuff. Damn choleric. Change of plans. Go to the store and get ingredients… oh ya and propane because the one time I want to barbeque we are out. Get back and it’s what?! 4:30! Hurry and finish dough. Rise! Rise Lazarus Rise! As I check the rest of my pizza tasks I spill water all over my keyboard…. Why didn’t I just print out the recipe?! Next time I won’t care so much about stupid trees. After I restart the computer due to keyboard malfunction and glitching I move on to the toppings. First herb olive oil. No problem. Second chunky tomato basil sauce… ummm I thought I had tomato paste?

All in all we ate around 9pm. So after 8 hours of preparation, $16 for propane, $20 for groceries, 2 trips to the store, 3 fights, and 1 less boyfriend you might wonder was it worth it?

 

If you want to try these out here are the links to the dough and pizza grilling recipes.
http://galindo.me/2011/04/grilled-pizza-dough/
http://www.grilledpizzasandpiadinas.com/Margheritan.htm

First off I’m not referring to myself. I haven’t done that in years. I’m referring to the Chris Brown song “Wet the Bed”. While I was working out and listening to my Today’s RnB & HipHop radio station on Pandora this song came on. I’m more of an NPR snob, but when I workout I need more than monotone voices and pledge drives to keep me pumped up. I’ve never heard this song before probably because I don’t support women abusers therefore avoid supporting the likes of Chris Brown… even though we are related. First off I couldn’t believe that Pandora would play such a sexual song. Can parents filter Pandora stations? I don’t consider myself to be a prude. I love hip hop and rap and dancing to a good beat. I do feel conflicted as a feminist by singing along to some of the degrading lyrics, but how can you not shake it to “I like big butts”? So call me a hypocrite.

I also have had many arguments with my dad explaining the art in rap music, “Dad its not all just filled with swearing and sex.” At least he agrees that Eminem is very talented. Yet how will I ever convince him that hip hop can be artistic and creative when I hear a song like this. If you are my grandma don’t read the following lyrics.

And repeat. And multimillions. I know I’ve heard and could find songs extremely more sexual, violent, and or offensive. I’m not upset by this song just disappointed. Maybe I should be glad that at least there is more sexual equality in the sense that it’s not all about women pleasing men. I guess I should thank Brown for a song about a more selfless act of pleasuring his partner. Oh please don’t make me laugh… I might wet the bed.

 

Wet the Bed (Feat. Ludacris) by Chris Brown on Grooveshark

Day 4

So what’s your plan? That dreaded phrase from concerned loved ones. No one ever says this when you are at the top of your game, good career, husband, kids, big new house. That phrase wouldn’t make sense for them. People ask you what your future plans are when it’s obvious that your current situation isn’t a good one and there is a lack of progress. Um my plan? You mean working for minimum wage while living at home and no promotion coming my way doesn’t look like I have it all figured out? This might be fine if I was 18, but with a college degree and some crows feet it looks somewhat… well worthy of that question. I used to have a plan. Around 10 years old I decided I wanted to be a tennis pro. I practices 4-6 hours a day. I asked my parents to home school me in 4th grade which gave me more training time. My life was planned. Go pro. Play till I’m 34ish. Settle down and spend my fortune traveling the world doing photography and supporting any new hobbies. Well around 22 I realized that plan had a flaw. I’m not good enough and didn’t have the money to invest into getting better. Soooo… I quit planning. I was a free spirit. No plans. Wherever life takes me. That worked till I was 24 when life dropped me in a sinkhole.

I miss the days when no one asked about my “plan”, like when I was getting my film degree, or the assistant college coach, or a documentarian in Switzerland. You know how you compare yourself to friends or old classmates or exes to see who is more successful. Don’t lie.

Me: “Oh hey so and so. It’s been so long. What are you doing?”

Frienemy: “Oh married with kids, stable job.”

Me: “I’m traveling the world free of attachments.”

Frienemy: “Sounds lonely.”

Me: “Oh no it’s amazing.”

Secretly you both asses who is better off.

Compare, compete, conquer. Don’t act like you don’t do this. Well unless you’re like me now and you’ve been disqualified from the game. Now when I say what my life consists of I go from competition to condolences. In the past week I’ve met with 3 friends all who seemed legitimately concerned about my future. So my life isn’t going how I thought. I’m not a tennis pro, I’m not putting that degree to work, and I’m not married with children. I just don’t know what I want to do. I’m trying to figure out my next step so I’m open to opinions, but still I hate that stupid question. Don’t get me wrong I totally appreciate the questioners interest in my life. Also, I’m am extremely happy for my successful friends. Soooo happy. Sigh. Anywho.

So what’s my plan? Avoid meeting with friends… Or find friends who also don’t have a plan… but who’d wanna hang out with those losers.

On a positive note. Had fun walking Vive with my old friend Albert (soon to be Dr. Bui). This blog is in no way connected with our meeting.

Day 3

I had my day all planned. At 12:30 workout, 2:00 meet friend for coffee, 2:30 go to bank and transfer funds to another bank before work at 4:00. Nothing special. Typical day. Everything was going so smoothly. Then at 3:40 something I hadn’t planned for… people. When did everyone get here? Why am I still so surprised by the masses that congregate around the areas that should only be occupied by me; like the bank. I have unusual working hours 4pm-12am and the few perks of this job is that everyone else should still be at work when I want to run my errands. So is everyone also working late shifts? Or just not working? And if you’re not working then why do you have anything to do at the bank? So as I sit three cars behind the person who I assume is having a hard time depositing monopoly money my heart rate goes up. I’m running out of time and I have to cover my charges to avoid an overdraft fee. The length this person is taking is starting to concern me that maybe his hand got stuck in the machine. Out of pure care and concern I get out of my car to see if I can assist the ATM victim. Luckily he drove away right afterwards… unharmed… by the machine of course. Now I’m third in line. Let’s go. Hurry. 3:47. Ok my turn 50 seconds and done. Now to the next bank. Where is all this traffic coming from? Did we build a stadium where Coldplay is performing the grand opening? Where is everyone going? Oh ya in my direction. At next bank. Only 1 person! Phew. I should switch banks. 3:52. Eek. Ok done. 3:56. Work is 6 min away… but if I hurry. Red light. Damn. Ok fast fast. I might make it. Going fast. Stupid rap song with police siren. Heart rate up. Ok looking good green lights. So close. 3:58. Whoa Honda civic. I’ll just go around you. Oh no. The gap has closed. Red light! Ahhh. Stupid Honda ^@&?!$. Ok go go go. Ahhh Honda we can make it you don’t slow down. Gooo… Yellow yellow RED! Why?! Why don’t I account for drivers like you? Why do I plan my time as if I own a private island? Population me. I’d probably still be late. Stupid sea turtles. However, I was told if you want a dream to come true you need to act like its a reality. Like when you spend money like you’re a millionaire. That works right? 4:05 walks into work. No one notices I’m late. Ulcer.

Oh positive stuff. Gosh when will this positive over take the negative? Wonderful coffee date with an old friend that’s in town. Makes me feel good knowing there are still a select few that enjoy my company… even though she made me late.

Day 2

I quit. No not my resolution, but trying to understand society. I’m sitting at work totally upset. Today it’s not because I work for minimum wage nor that it’s a National holiday and I don’t get holiday pay, I’m upset that it’s a holiday, I’m making poop wages and I have to suffer through watching 2 hours of the Bachelor along with Celebrity Wife Swap. Why do people watch these shows? What is so fascinating about seeing women attack each other and an overwhelming amount of crying. Who thought it was acceptable to have a 30 sec promo with only sobbing women? Am I the only one that finds it to be misogynistic and sadistic? Is no one else disturbed by this? I just don’t understand. If anyone has any insight into why these shows are so popular please let me know. So much crying!!! Luckily I had something to preoccupy myself. I shaved down my callouses and painted my toes. For once I’m thankful for my thick callouses. Next week I might wax my legs. I have to go through a whole season so I’m open to distraction recommendations.

 

Resolution… make this year better than last. This shouldn’t be too hard since last year was shit.

I’d like to sum up the past 12 months in a best and worst of list:

January: Injured hip (can’t play sports)
February: Dealt with sexual harassment and overall awfulness at job
March: Unemployed
April: Turn 26
May: Start hating new minimum wage job
June: Car air conditioner breaks
July: Applied for food stamps
August: Still hate job
September: Adopted brother passes away
October: Hip is still broken, replacing muscle with fat, and 50% of paycheck is going trying to fix it
November: Broke and holidays are here and no car heater
December: 2 year anniversary since I’ve moved home with parents

Now there are people that have it worse than I do so this is not a competition… well unless I thought I was gonna win, but I’m not… right?

I know I shouldn’t start the year being a downer so that’s why I’m starting this blog. I need to start being inspired. Take my life into my own hands. If I can complain it’s because I know the solution. Not true but it sounded good the first time I heard it. I don’t know the answer and I will still continue to complain. Even though I don’t fully comprehend how I’ll make this year better I am going to start taking steps to better myself. First thing, blog. Blog every day… well as much as I can. NO every day! Ok #2 I’m a photographer with a degree for goodness sakes so next thing is to start taking pictures… every day? So far this is doable right? I keep looking at the clock cause I have 48 minutes to finish this blog or I already fail my resolution. With the time in mind I’ll stop there. Damn I forgot the 2011 best of list. This shouldn’t take long.

1…. umm… got a puppy (more broke)
2. and a boyfriend (this can go on both lists… I kid… only cause he’ll prob read this… kisses?)
3. oh ya that dumb ass broke as shit hate my life f*&#ing year is over!

Breathe. Only positive thoughts. Ok 2012 let’s do this!

January 1, 2012 and I have successfully gone through one day of the new year without breaking my resolutions. Blog done with 32 minutes to spare… 31.

I only said a picture every day… never that it was going to be a great one… 29 min.