Day February 14

Oh what a special day. Not because I’ve ever been the romantic type. Most my valentines have been spent with my family. While my family is the best valentines a girl could ask for we don’t get romantic. That would be weird and illegal in most states. Damn freaky Midwesterners.

This family tradition is probably why I’ve never been the cute and cliche type either. I would never put paper flowers all over your cubicle (someone had that a work… poor guy) or write you a poem. I’ve always been good at buying presents. They are simple and take less time and preparation. I would always think of thoughtful things to do, but quickly make myself too busy to bother. I remember one guy I dated was a typical girls dream. He wrote songs about me, made me sweet videos, poems, mixed CDs, oh those artists. He hoped I would be more idk what the word is… girly? If he only waited 4 years to see me finally come around. Typically when I see something too cute my gag reflexes react. Not like kittens or puppies, but kissing picture on the beach at sunset. Bleh. I’m not an aweeee so sweet, but more like a if it’s not an edible flower then keep it for yourself. Hey if I got flowers for any reason I wouldn’t stomp on them, but I might wonder where the other present is. I’m not high maintenance just superficial. Kidding.

Now that I’ve tapped into my creative and poor side I’d love someone to write me a song or surprise me with a day calendar with each day saying something they loved about me (even though that relationship didn’t last long enough to enjoy it). I realize how a present that took some effort can mean a lot and save you some money too. Yet something like flower petals and candles will still make me giggle more than swoon. You know how when something is too sweet and your teeth are too sensitive to handle it? That’s what too cutesy does to me. It makes me squirm.

However, here’s where I get cute and obnoxious. So don’t read this if you’ve eaten recently. Last night after work after midnight I went by Dutch Bros (local coffee joint) and got a hot chocolate for my boy. I knew he was going to be up late doing homework so I thought he could use a boost. He loved it. He was thankful and wanted me to open his presents. It was a big bag. Now since we are both broke I said we should have a $20 cap on the presents. From the looks of it he went over. The first card was sweet with a silly poem and the second card was hilarious. My family never does nice cards only rude or funny ones. He’s caught on quick. The first packaged I unwrapped was a box full of my favorite See’s chocolate, scotchmellows. Damn hypoallergenic diet. Then cute fuzzy slippers because my feet are always freezing. Size 8 ice cubes. The last present is what sent him over on his budget, a new watch just like my current old broken watch. Omg. I hate it when someone does more for me in terms of gifts. My competitiveness comes out. I contemplated buying something else to bulk up my gifts. He said he was making up for getting me a gift card for Christmas while I was creative. I love gift cards though. So I guess he won that round even though he hasn’t opened my gifts. He’ll have to wait till tonight. I’ll give you all a hint just in case he read this blog. 99% chance he won’t, but all it takes is that 1 unlucky percent to ruin the surprise. Hint. I made it.

Valentines morning was just as amazing. I had a nice breakfast (well their breakfast was nice… oatmeal again) and gift exchange with my family. You would have thought it was Christmas from all the wrapped boxes. My mom always overdoes it, but I’ll never complain.

Now I’m getting annoying again.

My present list: Dutch bro gift card, microwaveable mittens, microwaveable pillow for my feet (told you they were cold), book on how to be a food snob, and fingernail polish. I’m so lucky. Ok so now for the best part, what I gave.

Presents: iPad gift card (my mom is $50 away from getting one), baguette pan (my dad has started baking homemade bread), cat earrings (my sis is a cat lady), beanie I knitted, makeup art print I made . Aren’t I creative. I love giving presents.

Yesterday I had tried to make heart shaped cookies to give everyone. It was a disaster. First off I guess you are supposed to refrigerate the dough for an hour before rolling it between 2 pieces of parchment paper. Ya that still didn’t work. I got fart not heart cookies. Well they still tasted good. I put a couple cookies in everyone’s presents. Aaaaand… before I went to class I found where my boy parked at school (I got lucky) and by using his spare key I was able to leave a card, chocolate chip fart shaped cookies, and a milk bottle chilled in a little cooler. He appreciated it even if you don’t care to hear about it. I’m just wanted to let you know what a typical girlfriend I’ve become. Yay for me. Yay for him.

this is pre-bake

Next was well work (bleh), but then dinner with my beautiful sis. We grabbed pizza togo. It’s my halfway mark so I get a diet break. Oh and was it glorious. Pizza I’ve missed you. Then we put on a romance classic… Twilight Breaking Dawn part 1. Classic.

isn’t she the cutest

Next up give my last presents to my romantic valentine. I won’t include those details. Wink. Gag reflex. Bleh. Sorry. Blame Cupid.

dad’s card

mom’s card

sister’s card

Day 13

Valentine’s Day. For me this day has never made me long for love or jealous of the cute romantic couples that seem to pop up all over on that certain day. I don’t ever remember thinking I wish I had someone today. This is because my family made a tradition of spending the holiday together. We always got each other gifts and enjoyed a meal together. Even when I was in a relationship we would still exchange gifts… and most of time they were better than my boyfriend’s. One boyfriend was shocked by my family’s tradition and learned his lesson to put a little more effort in next year. Whatever girl ends up with those exes you’re welcome.

Since I don’t feel society’s pressure to have a lover I feel free to enjoy Valentine’s Day. The one thing I don’t enjoy is running around doing last minute present planning. Even though I am slightly impressed with what I bought, made, baked… hopefully they are too. I’m relying on the chance that they hardly read my posts.

Unfortunately, I still have class and work  tomorrow, but I think my family is gonna squeeze in a breakfast. I do have a break from 7-10 which is enough time for a romantic dinner with my boyfriend, if we had made reservations a month ago and enjoyed being in a crowded room with other annoying couples. Rez also has lots of work to do so we decided to celebrate on the weekend. We could have enjoyed a homemade meal, but I asked if he didn’t mind if I had dinner with my sister. Unfortunately, she senses the pressures of society and of course the non-single roommates having plans don’t help. I think that Valentine’s shouldn’t just be for couples, but for everyone that loves someone. Single people shouldn’t have to sit at home watching Sleepless in Seattle with Ben & is buddy cellulite. Go out with some friends, family, pets.

This family Valentine’s Day is one tradition that I plan on passing down to my family. Finally we have one. Well this might all change when I’m 40 and single. Then I might join the others and boycott this stupid commercialized day. VD for everyone.

Day 12

The past 3 days I’ve been on the internet hunt for hypoallergenic recipes. I guess not a lot of people choose to torture themselves to find out if they are allergic to anything. Fools… darn lucky fools. It doesn’t help that the diet only takes a month. I wouldn’t create a recipe strictly for this diet if I wasn’t on it. I also don’t plan on using any of these recipes when I’m off this diet either. Bleh. Well I might use the base and add all the good stuff back in. Lack of interest is why I’m having a hard time finding recipes. There were plenty of websites that had recipes based on one or more allergies like a no-dairy, or no-eggs, but not all of the allergenic food eliminated in a single recipe. If I found out that I’m allergic to one thing I’ll definitely come back to these. Luckily, the Google led me to a few blog of people who tried the same masochistic experiment. Most of them were re-posting the same recipes over and over again.  One blogger gave up a couple times before completing the hypoallergenic diet. She said she had a hard time turning down all the dinner invites from friends. Just another benefit from being a loner.

I did save her blog and some of her recipes. There is one I’m excited to try. Even though I tried her rice pudding recipe yesterday and it was a fail. Trust me I’m normally a very competent cook. I hardly ever make so many failures. Also I love to experiment with food and haven’t had nearly as many blenders as this diet has caused. Yes it’s the diet’s fault not mine.

So I think instead of trying new recipes I’m just going to substitute the good stuff with the less tasty alternative. Tonight will be chicken curry with sweet potatoes instead of the good starchy kind. I’m hoping they cook them the same. Hoping does seem to lead to disappointment, but I’ll give it a try anyways.

Curry adventure.  The curry was good, but I realize now that the starch in the potato is what gave it some thickness. It’s a little on the runny side, but still tasty. Even the sweet potato was delish. I did run into a problem with the coconut milk. I popped open a can and it was complete curd. The expiration date said 5 months ago, but I think that is just a scare tactic to buy more. So I plopped it in then started to worry. I went online and checked and some said it was fine yet some scared me enough to rinse of the chicken and try again. The next can said it expired in 5 months and when I plopped it into my pan it was the same exact consistency. I’m staying on the optimistic side in thinking that both were fine instead of both being rotten. It’s canned I should be able to bring it to a bunker for 5 years if needed. If I you don’t see a post tomorrow send condolences to my parents.

This is starting to seem like a food blog so I might as well include the recipe.

Ingredients:

2 T olive oil
1 white onion
3 cloves garlic
1 pound skinless, boneless chicken shopped
1 small head cauliflower chopped
2 russet potatoes chopped (or 1 sweet potato)
2 carrots chopped
1 yellow bell pepper
1 can of chopped pineapple
1 t of ginger powder (or if you wanna be fancy 1 t of grated ginger)
1/2 T of cayenne pepper
3 T yellow curry powder (add more if you like it spicy)
l/2 lemon squeeze
1 t garlic salt
1 (14 ounce) can unsweetened coconut milk
1/3 cup chicken stock
salt and pepper to taste
handful of cashews

Directions:

I’ve been searching endlessly for a gluten free bread recipe. Every recipe is so different that it makes me worry there isn’t a right one out there. I’ve bought all the different type of flour: almond, gf (gluten free) all purpose, gf wheat, tapioca, coconut, almond, and xamtham gum. But it always seems that every recipe always calls for that extra ingredient that I haven’t thought of like, potato starch, soya flour, psyllium husks, corn flour, club soda, ect. I’m never going to eat bread.

I did stumble upon a pumpkin muffin recipe that I had the ingredients for and thought I’d give it a try. I half it in case I hated it. I should have done a fraction of that. I followed the directions exactly except for substituting the eggs with ground flax seed. It’s a recommended substitute. Don’t ask me how or why. Oh and I substituted the butter for a little margarine, applesauce, and olive oil. Eek and raw sugar for regular sugar. So maybe I didn’t follow the recipe exactly, but it shouldn’t have created the monster I pulled out the oven. The recipe said to bake for 25 minutes. I baked if for 50 minutes and it was still goo inside. It didn’t burn it was just straight up pumpkin goo inside. What a disappointment.

But I’m not the type to give up. So I cut those muffin zombies in half and opened them up to bake again on the goo side. I will prevail. It’s 2pm and I haven’t had breakfast so I’ll let you know how it goes.

Since I was worried about what happened with my muffins I asked the friend who recommended the diet if she substituted eggs when baking. She said and I quote, “When I did the diet, I did it strictly since I did not want to do it again (by not getting good results because I fudged). So I didn’t use anything from a bag box or can except for rice cakes. So, no I didn’t. Up to you though.” Bitch. Seriously? I asked her about canned pumpkin and she said you can get them fresh at Safeway now. Well if I wasn’t discouraged before. Even though she has helped me so much with my health I liked it better when I thought I was being strong and beating all odds even with my few slip ups. Guess not.

Forget about the pumpkin muffins and pumpkin chili I made. Back to brown rice and chicken. Back to bleak.

Oh and the muffins still didn’t bake.

 

This diet is making me feel crazy. I seriously don’t know how anyone has succeeded. They probably didn’t and just killed all the witnesses because that’s what I feel like doing. I feel totally unstable. Today was spent either in depression or anger. I didn’t realize how much of my joy in life came from eating. Every time I see someone eating something delicious I want to send them to eternal damnation. Can’t you see I’m no a diet you heathen?! No wonder I never went on diets growing up. Even though this one is supposed to help me in the long run I’m afraid I might die in the battle before the war is over. I feel weak, frail, and hungry. That reminds me, I’ve been meaning to send money to those Ethiopian children. I’m still eating and feel starving I can’t imagine what starving without eating feels like. Oh no I’m not going to go into perspective I just want to complain. Damn starvation.

follow the leader

Day 38

Christian. What does that mean? Don’t worry I’m not going to talk about theology… today anyways. Christian means someone who believes in God and models their life after Jesus. This is my definition, on the most basic level. Based on this definition I’d call myself a Christian.

Hot topic I know. The reason I bring it up is because I’m getting paid to be religious. Not like pastors or televangelists. I’m getting paid to read the bible. Since I’m a Christian you might think well haven’t you already read it? And if you thought that you would be wrong. I was talking to my sister a couple days ago and asked if she has read the whole Bible. So I’m not the only Christian that has merely dabbled in God’s word. I’m not making excuses. Well kinda. I don’t know why some of us Christians haven’t read the whole thing. We usually just pick out the parables that we can apply to our lives. One reason might be because the Old Testament can be pretty scary. There are definitely some passages that make it hard to imagine God as loving father.

Oh back to why exploring my faith will get my some extra cash. Well last night Rez’s (my bf) grandpa, Bernie, invited us out to dinner at Red Lobster. By the way I failed my diet. I was planning on sticking to it, but I made a deal with Rez that if I slipped up this one time he won’t ever pressure me again and will be even more supportive of my hypoallergenic diet. Also, he said he wouldn’t make or eat any more cookies for the rest of the month. He is a chocolate chip cookie fiend. He’ll eat half a batch in one night. Damn him and his metabolism. Anywho. It was a deal worth making. Win win. Too bad I still tried to keep close to my diet because the tilapia was so so and overwhelmed with spices. Even the steamed broccoli couldn’t breathe underneath all the salt they put on it. Luckily my Bahama Mama drink was super delicious.

I still haven’t gotten to my point. If you’re still with me I’ll lay it out. Bernie is an atheist. Need I say more? Oh and he loves to argue. So I was thrown into a debate about the Bible (thanks Rez) and its accuracy. Bernie has read the Bible, the whole thing. Since I haven’t he challenged me to read it and he’d even pay for me to do it. Did I say he loves to argue? Enough to pay me to educate myself in my faith in order to better argue my case. He was so excited that I took him up on the challenge that he hurried us out of the restaurant and over to Barnes & Nobles to pick my weapon of choice (aka Bible).

Bernie picked out the first one he saw, but there are so many translations and since it’s the first time I’ve ever got a new Bible I needed some time to choose. NIV, NKJ, NLT what does it all mean? I gave my mom a call to get her opinion. Bernie couldn’t believe I was calling my mom and sarcastically said, “Why don’t you just ask God which Bible to get?”. So I got down on my knees and did just that. While praying loudly for some sort of Bible guidance Bernie had to walk away from embarrassment. Even though I didn’t get an answer it was worth watching Bernie squirm. After reading aloud passages in multiple translation to help my indecision Bernie just picked a nice leather NIV to buy. When we dropped him off he was all excited to discuss Genesis when I was ready.

I might need to join a study group. I learned that Bernie converted his first wife to atheism and “rescued” her from Christianity. I’m hoping he isn’t trying to do the same to me. I feel like we are battling for the Rez’s soul. Bernie is trying to convince him to come to the dark side. No Rez come to the… light side? I looked up the opposite of dark side and couldn’t find anything substantial. Geez the dark side always has all the cool stuff… we can’t even get a good name.

Light or Dark you can choose for yourself. No matter what I’m $150 richer. Thank God.

Vive’s punishment when she doesn’t heel

Day 37

“Oh no I’ve lost my Mojo?!” After a month off I felt quite rusty. I’m talking about being creative… perverts! If being creative was like riding a bike then I would have had many crashes and broken my arm over these past two weeks. I felt like I had lost all my momentum and I was running uphill or more like tumbling downhill. I stuck through it and kept on peddling and finally my brain switched into artist mode. I wonder what part of my brain turned off to compensate. Goodbye mathematics. I didn’t use you much anyways.

After 3 weeks of feeling stuck and betrayed by my own creativity I finally started to see the light in the form of inspiration. In my glass blowing class I was worried I was going to get stuck with an ugly glass tile that I couldn’t give away at a yard sale. Then last week my creative cataracts lifted and I had a vision for my work. This week I was able to replicate my vision.

Now I’m gonna do my best to not ruin my luck with preemptive praise. Plenty can still go wrong. I still have to mold my cast, pore the glass, and put it in the kiln. I’m not excited for the final product I’m excited for my creative process.

Today in print making I came to class with an idea in mind. This can be dangerous because my expectations are rarely met with premeditation. Its usually more of a spark that gets ignited on a whim. That doesn’t stop stubborn me. So after research and planning I had everything ready to start my project. As I got going I realized I made a mistake and was about to give up. This just isn’t working. I decided to just use my sketch as a rough draft and not a final which gave me freedom to change my print to work for me. Success. Once it was on paper it was better than I imagined. Now it’s not going to hang next to Warhol in a gallery, but it will hang up with the strings of determination elegantly in my mind.

Now that I have my art mojo back I’m dying to do everything creative. From finishing my third knit hat, cooking new gluten free food, and dressing like gaga in a Nazarene church (so lightly more modest) I want to explore this part of my brain that I split open.

Let the mojo flow. Ya baby ya.

queen in the castle

Day 36

I desperately hope that I’m not allergic to gluten. I hope I’m not allergic to anything, but most of all gluten. I don’t know how people do this for a lifetime. I feel like I’m always hungry… more like starving. Today while I was meeting my sister at Starbucks (only green tea I brought from home) I was munching on my snack, grapes. I don’t know what I looked like, but she said I was eating in a manner that made her feel like she needed to feed me. I did have a couple of close calls with those darn fingers getting too close, but they survived. Granted I was trying my best to spread out my snacks so I didn’t starve at work and couldn’t wait for my grapes, but… well no buts, it’s hard. Why don’t you try it? Ahhhh. I don’t want to be one of those annoying girls that talk about what they eat every day, but I just can’t believe this is a lifestyle for some people.

Ok so here is me being an annoying girl sharing my food regimen…. feel my pain
Breakfast: oatmeal with almond milk and honey
Lunch: chicken salad with as many veggies I can find at the house and olive oil, balsamic dressing
Snack: fruit
Dinner: chicken again with brown rice
Dessert: brown rice cake with almond butter

Then repeat, and repeat, and repeat.

I know there are some other options, but for some reason they all seem to have 30 ingredients. It’s like a treasure hunt searching for these specialty ingredients except at the end you don’t find gold coins, but instead expensive tasteless mush. It would be one thing if the food was cheap, and tasteless, but no it’s expensive, tasteless, and time consuming. I have to plan ahead so far in advance or else go hungry. Today I had a 2 hour time slot between class and work. Instead of using that time to take my dog for a walk, clean, ok I’ll be honest, nap I spent the time cooking and preparing my dinner. First defrost (not so free-range) chicken, marinade, grill, put aside for dinner.

Now onto lunch. Salad. Ugh. I don’t understand why when I get organic spinach it’s still super dirty? It doesn’t prove to me that it organic just because it has dirt on it. Chemically pumped produce also came from the ground. All it shows me is laziness and more work for me. Good thing I don’t have a garden. After chopping up of the veggies, eating, and preparing my snacks I only had 20 minutes before work.

Who has time for this? Luckily it’s only 22 more days and not a lifetime. As if cooking all my food wasn’t enough of a challenge going out to eat will be even more of a feat. I’m supposed to go to dinner with friends tomorrow night. They picked out Red Lobster because they thought I’d have a better chance finding some hypoallergenic meals. I thought so too until I double checked online. While restaurants are trying to appease the allergenic, it is only one item at a time. I couldn’t find anything that met all my diet requirements. I guess it’ll be salad again or be the annoying health nut that asks for 17 substitutions on my meal. I can’t wait for the cook to spit in my food while saying “how’s that gluten-free”. Maybe I’ll just eat before.

22 more grueling days…. 21 at 2 hours

Day 35

My losing streak is over. After 2 years of paying up I finally get paid. I’m hoping this turns my luck around. Granted I wasn’t invested in this team. I just bet on the opposing team to whatever Rez (my bf) picked. He like the quarter back Aaron Rogers so he went with the New England Patriots, which left me with Eli Manning and the Giants. I’m not going to break down the whole game for you, especially since I spent most my time in the kitchen making homemade gluten-free pizza. I’ll go over that fiasco later. While a majority of the game was entertaining nothing made me use my Tivo for a replay like some of the commercials did. The M & Ms commercial was the best in my opinion. Finally there was some creativity this year.

When we reached half-time I was not only disappointed that my team was losing, but also that the half-time show did nothing to cheer me up. I thought Madonna was the icon for female empowerment so why did she lip-sync and dance around like Brittney Spears during her shaved head days. It was awkward to watch. A wardrobe malfunction would have made it bearable.

Luckily the game kept me entertained to the very end. As the Giants got a touch down in the last minute of the game I was overwhelmed with hope once again. The Patriots had the ball as the clock slowly ran out. The game ended in the end-zone as the clock hit 0:00 with an incomplete. I couldn’t believe I had won a bet. I waited to make sure there weren’t any flags that went up to take away my victory. Then came the confetti. I won, I won, I won!!! I jumped up and down and did my obnoxious victory dance that was a little rusty from so many losses. So I just want everyone to know that I’m one venti non-fat, no-foam, no-water chai richer.

Unfortunately the whole day wasn’t a win. My gluten-free pizza fumbled. The dough had a chewing gum quality. One bite and 20 chews. Oh well. I gave the leftovers to my sis because she is trying to go gluten-free. She must have a lower standards. Gluten-free or not I’m not eating that pizza again. Today was my day off this week from my hypoallergenic diet so I also made normal amazing pizza. Chicken bbq with all the trimmings. Touchdown.

Winning. Bets anyone?

in a tupperware & off you go gluten-free

gluten goes great with pizza

Day 35

“I think I should quit my job and pursue my art.”

This was what I told my mom around 10:45am yesterday morning. I haven’t thought too much about it lately it just popped into my mind. Well I take that back my family has been encouraging me to start making videos, but the quit my job part is all me. Nice thought isn’t it? Just do what you love. Well I just met someone who is living that dream.

After I finished the 9am yoga class, which is a little early for my eyelids, but worth the exercise, I usually do some extra poses that we may have skipped. During my extra stretching a 70ish year old woman walked in who had gotten the yoga times mixed up. The instructor encouraged her to just do what she knew on her own. When I came back from a quick break in the sauna to get loosened up a little more the older woman was talking to the instructor about ending a 20 year relationship with an alcoholic. As she started crying I wondered if I should just pick up my yoga mat and slink out. But my need for stretching overwhelmed my emotional discomfort. As I was trying not to eves drop I heard her talk about how the pain has transformed her art. Then she started talking about how when she worked a regular job she felt like she was wasting her time by not pursuing art. Well that statement caught my attention. So as I was leaving I felt like I should give some form of encouragement. I told her that I had just informed my family earlier that day that I wanted to quit my job and pursue my art. I was hoping to tell her how amazing she was for pursuing her passion. However, I never got a chance because I didn’t get much of a word in the next 30 minutes. She told me how much work it was trying to survive in the art business. She told me that I need to join an art group and the one she belonged to was not at all snobbish. She went on about her experiences as an artist and what she thought I should try. She wanted me to surround myself with artists in order to inspire creativity.

When Jane talked about art and the affects it had on her life she was no longer the weeping woman on the yoga mat worried about finding love again. She was full of life and energy. I want to be that excited about my work. Now as we all know that the term “starving artists” didn’t come from artist fasting out of choice. When you are in a field where the quality of you work is mostly subjective there is no security. Well until you become famous. Then everything is somehow amazing. Unfortunately, this doesn’t usually happen till you are a worm feast. I could invest all my time in being an engineer or lawyer and makes lots of money, but that’s not my passion. I wish it was.

Even though I may never be rich I’d rather be poor and do what I love. Money can’t buy happiness even though I wouldn’t mind giving it a try. I’m not making much money now so might as well be poor and happy than poor and unhappy.

Now I didn’t go into work today and put in my two weeks notice. How inspiring would that have been? Instead I talked to my family about renting a studio for us all to be inspired and work on our art. I do photography and cinematography, my sister is an amazing makeup artist, my mom is a fashion consultant and designer (I wish she’d make all my clothes), and my dad is a writer (author of “I’m hungry”). So put us all together and we should be able to make a good team. When we aren’t fighting. Why do some artists put everything they have into creating while some of us complain about our jobs, but won’t take the leap. Comfort? How comfortable is it to waste away your life at an unsatisfying job?

Before me and Judy parted she did tell me another important piece of advice. I said I didn’t want to be a wedding photographer just because the pay was more consistent and easy. She said when she was younger she thought the same thing. She never did it, but instead did some commercial photography. She told me just because you do things to help finance your art doesn’t mean you’ll become a wedding photographer. She said back then she should have worked for some happy couples for some extra cash and that I should give it a try as well. Also, that I should view myself as a documentarian not just a generic wedding photographer. I’m documenting a memorable day in history for two people. Ya ya. Whatever pays the bills I guess.

After our talk I think we were both encouraged. But encouragement means nothing without action. Therefore, I’m going to start pursuing my art. So if anyone has a studio I can use, gallery that needs some pictures, or extra food to feed a starving artist let me know…. or if you are getting married and want to document it. I’m not sure I’m ready for the art world, but I’m definitely not prepared for a cubicle life.

So who’s ready to starve?

Day 34

Errands. I hate running them, but what I hate more is running other people’s errands. My day was going along so smoothly. I had a nice relaxing yoga session. I was still in a state of shavasana (relaxation pose) when I met my dad at Starbucks (don’t worry I didn’t break my diet with a delicious chai). I left my state of peace as soon as I went to pick up my boyfriend (Rez, named changed to protect the not-so-innocent) from getting his tires changed. As I tried to take a path less traveled I realized that my path didn’t lead me in the right direction. So I had to take the crowded way. I don’t understand why there are so many people driving around at 1pm on a Friday? No wonder this county has the highest unemployment rating in all of California, everyone is running errands and taking up space rather than working or getting interviews for potential jobs. As I make my way through the masses I finally end up at American Tires. Hmmm… Rez is no where to be found. I call him up for him to tell me… oops I’m at Les Shwab Tires, which is 100 yards from the Starbucks I just came from. Yell… scream… hang-up. I had my whole errand map planned out based on where I was currently.  Pick up boyfriend, go to library for returns (1mi away), walk the dog at the park (2mi away), then drop off Rez on the way home. Perfect plan now ruined!!

I was stuck at one light for 5 turns. 5!!! Now I’m just even more pissed. Oh did I forget to mention that I haven’t eaten anything today. Luckily, when Rez picked up my dog earlier I asked him to bring me some food from the house. Then while driving I was so starving that I accidentally drove right past the tire store to Trador Joe’s. Ugh. Don’t you hate it when every exit says “right turn only”? I finally make it to stupid Les Shwab Tires to find out that my soon to be ex-boyfriend forgot my food at home. How will I survive the rest of my day? If you haven’t realized by now I don’t do well when I’m hungry. The diagnosis has been called “Fungrage” which is f***ing hungry rage, fungrage. To get a clearer picture of what I’m like in this state of mind is to watch the zombies in the movie “28 Days Later”. But just like the zombies it’s not my fault something takes over me. Rez took my advice and bought me some food at Trader Joe’s right across the street. I figured while I’m there I’d pick up some extra gluten-free treats for later. If you ever go shopping with me don’t let me pick out the checkout line… ever. I don’t know why this lady was insistent on having all of her groceries shoved into the 3 recyclable bags she brought from home. After the checker tried her best the lady finally gave in to using a paper bag for the last few items… tree killer.

By the time I made it back to the car I was the bad guy for leaving the dog in the car for 15 minutes. Just give me my food before I eat both of you. Then the tire place called and said that the tires were too old and needed replaced not rotated. Amy hurry and eat before the zombie attacks. So I push Rez out of my car as a drive by Les Schwab for the third time. I keep the dog with me… you know if case I get hungry again. We decided to meet up at the river trail for a walk after we both run an errand. Mine was to the library and his was to pick up “real” food. On my way to the library I stop at the bank which was close by. I decide to do drive-up because I have my dog with me. I hate to hear her whimper. Did I mention that I should never pick out lines? The two people in front of me must have been stolen checks and were depositing them one at a time. It took almost 20 minutes before it was my turn. Right as I pulled up I looked at the time 2:28pm. When I pulled away from the atm it was 2:30pm. Two minutes. Maybe they should have timer for everyone that pulls up and if you go past 5 minutes the bank charges a “quit being a slow asshole fee”… Bank of America would be all over having a reason to charge a new fee.

By the time I get the highway and take my exit to the library I realize that Rez is probably done eating by now so I decide to go straight instead of a left to the library. Wow the lane next to me is a left turning lane too? I almost got into an accident. Ahh I’m losing my mind. I finally make it to the river trail ready to release some tension when I realize that Rez said the Sun Dial trail not the river trail; “Ummm Rez do you think you could leave the destination we agreed upon and come over to the river trail?” So I guess he’s not the only one that makes mistakes. However, it is all his fault because he through off the alignment first. I felt like I was a spinner top that hit a wrong bump and wasn’t going to be able to adjust before falling. By the time I got home it was 5pm. Even though it was my day off I still felt like I was working a 9-5 shift. My next day off I’m never leaving the house and my spinner top will never quit spinning… would that mean I was dreaming…? I hope so.

life saver from the library

Day 32

Do you ever have something you want to vent about, but going public might cause some repercussions. I usually don’t take much consideration to my family’s or boyfriend’s feelings when blogging. Besides if I include them in a blog its drenched in sarcasm so its more of a dramatization never a serious attack. Also, I’m not passive aggressive so I don’t post annoying statuses on my Facebook that only one person understands. For example, I recently saw a post by a newly single who wrote, “I feel like I’ve done something wrong, but I have to be true to myself.” Oh my. After a few of those I had to hide her (we all knew it’s a girl) oh so secretive statuses.

If I get in an argument I don’t want to air it out to the public. Besides don’t you usually regret that anyways? Nothing worse than bad talking someone and later having it used against you later when that selfish bastard is being a heavenly angel again.

This vent isn’t about anyone I care about so why don’t a just let it all out? Well because there is that teeny tiny chance that I might have to sign up for unemployment if it is read by certain eyes. The chances are so slim since my family is the only one trying to keep up to date with my blog, but some things just aren’t worth the risk. I even don’t feel comfortable talking about my last shitty job because I still frequent the business every so often. Oh and trust me I have a mouthful of shit to say about my prior employer.

Unfortunately I’ll have to wait to blow off my blogger steam till I’m rich, famous, and self-employed. Till now I’ll just bite my fingers.

There are a few things I can release through keyboard therapy. Yesterday was my first day on my hypoallergenic diet. I planned ahead to fix chicken and brown rice for dinner. Not looking forward to blandness, but not complaining too much. Until I walk into the kitchen and see homemade egg rolls that my dad had just made. Are you kidding me!!! Why now? Luckily he had some egg roll stuffing I got to add in my chicken. I guess I’ll forgive him.

Then the unforgivable happened. My bf came home with my favorite take n bake pizza. Is everyone against me? So I cut his head off and quit my diet. Lucky for him I just screamed at him to put the demon food away. He said that he thought I’d be strong since it was the first day. He thought wrong. If anyone else wants to test my tastebuds I’m sure my last victim would like some company in the dungeon. 27 days to go.

Day 32

I’m dying. I know it’s only the first day of my hypoallergenic diet, but I think I’m not going to survive. I ended my tasty life last night with a double patty cheeseburger and fries at 5 Guys. Heaven. I’ve never been there and wanted to compare it to In ‘n’ Out. It totally surpassed it. Granted 5 Guys is quite a bit more expensive… like $4 more. In ‘n’ Out would have had a chance 7 years ago, but I’m not the only one who thinks they’ve gone downhill. There isn’t the same flavor that I used to remember. So till they get their buns back in shape I’ll have to spend a little extra at their rival…. next month.

Enough about good food I’m getting a heartache. So like I said in my previous blog the hypoallergenic diet takes away everything you hold dear to discover if your body has any negative reaction to certain foods.

I start the morning nervous of this challenge. I made a bowl of oatmeal with almond milk and honey. It was much better than expected. Phew. I can do this. Then I find out that I have to get a specific gluten-free oatmeal. Ugh so I already failed. In order to get back on track I go to the store to get gluten-free products. I found a recipe for quinoa gluten-free bread that I thought I’d give a try.

I’ve never cooked anything that required so many ingredients. You’d think I was making beef Wellington. I didn’t even know of half the things on the list.

quinoa flour
soy protein powder
soy milk powder
chia seeds (this isn’t a typo for chai… totally different)
quinoa oats
brown rice flour
gluten free all purpose flour
tapioca flour

Why does this bread require so many flours?!!!

I couldn’t even find half the stuff at the store. I’ll have to go to a specialty more expensive store. I spent 50 big ones and didn’t get any real food. This is going to kill me and my bank account. After the strenuous shopping experience I went home to the Trader Joes’ sweet potato bisque for lunch. The last bite I gagged. The flavor was fine for one sip or two, but a whole bowl was 30 sips too many.

I obviously need to plan ahead for my meals. So I brought fruit and brown rice cakes with almond butter to work to hold me over. Yum. Dinner will probably be brown rice and chicken. If anyone knows any gluten free recipes (tasty ones) please send them to me. Unless it has 73 ingredients each costing $6 each.

Did I mention that I’m gonna give myself one free pass a week? 6 days to go. Till then everyone should stay away!! Far away.

So far I think I’ve discovered that I’m allergic to diets.

healthy is expensive

Day 31

After reading the title my mind continues with a “vroom vroom.” Oh come on you know that 1960s one hit wonder by “The Shangri-Las”. Or was I the only one brought up listening to the golden oldies? Unfortunately, I’m not referring to this classic from the pop album “Teen Anguish”. My leader of the pack is me… well it’s supposed to be. According to the dog whisperer, Cesar Milan, your dog should respect you as the leader of the pack… even if it’s a pack of one.

Now my sister told me today that I reached a new level of nerdyness for reading this book, but what does she know she isn’t leading a pack. What I’m learning is that dogs pick up on your energy and attitude and determine whether you are a suitable leader… if not then they take charge. Hmmm. I think I’m might take a dogs approach on this.

Projecting the right energy is very important in dealing with dogs or any animal for that matter. The energy that dogs respond best to is calm/assertive. That’s a tough balance to maintain. I have a hard enough time bordering assertive and aggressive. Aggressive behavior isn’t welcomed or respected in a pack. You don’t lead by barking at and biting all the other pack members. So why do we think yelling will work for us? I will definitely need practice working on my calm energy. Staying calm isn’t in my emotional repertoire.

Who thought being a leader of an animal would take so much personal reflection and change? So if we want the best dog I have to be the best person? Hmmm I’m guessing this applies to children and parents as well. There should be a selection process in order to have a child. That’s a whole other blog.

Anywho so I’m realizing that if I want a good dog I have to change my energy to be calm and assertive. I want my little Vive to be well-behaved and maybe some day be a therapy dog that can interacts with the young and old that could use some furry love. But first off I need to be the leader of the pack… vroom, vroom.

pack colors