Yesterday I found out that my grandma is moving to a retirement home. My uncle, her first born, was given the responsibility to take care of her after my grandpa passed. Lately she has been a little forgetful, but doesn’t that happen to everyone? She could use more interaction with others and exercise, but isn’t that our responsibility as her family? Aren’t we supposed to look after our elders not ship them off and pay someone else to do it?
When I was visiting my grandma today I was overwhelmed with guilt for not being there for her that I broke into tears. If only I had visited more, cooked and cleaned for her, been a responsible granddaughter maybe she wouldn’t have felt the pressure to leave her home for assisted living. I used to come over once a week to fix dinner and I haven’t in a long time. I know she already feels guilty that she’s needs driven everywhere even though I view it as returning the favor for when she used to be my chauffeur as a kid. There is so much I should do for and with her. One of my biggest regrets in life is not spending enough time with my grandparents. I miss the ones that have passed and she is my last one. So for Lent I’m going to make her a meal once a week even though she deserves much more than that.
What makes me more upset than her moving is that my uncle made the decision without anyone else’s consent. Doesn’t ask my mom, his sister, if she think grandma needs to move or even where she might belong. He already picked a place on the other side of town closer to him and extremely further from me. What’s even more disappointing is that my mom hasn’t said anything to refute his decision. She’s such an outspoken woman so why does she cower at confrontation with her brothers? That’s not how we were raised. My mom even told me to make sure to discuss such decisions with my sister when her and my dad get old. Why should I if she won’t? I’ll just stick her in a home and my sis will find out when she drives to mom’s house and no ones there.
Another reason I’m pissed is that I noticed my grandma’s jacuzzi was missing. My other uncle got whiff that she was downsizing and came over to capitalize on it. Is that how it’s going to be? Everyone just comes over and takes what they want. Bring in the Uhauls? It feels like she’s already passed and everyone is grabbing what they can like a black Friday rush, first come first serve. This is bullshit. This is my grandma’s life. If she doesn’t have room for both her tv then she call sell one or put extra stuff in storage. When she asks if I wanted any of her books I got uncomfortable. I don’t want anything. It’s still yours grandma. You have plenty of years to read all those books. Everyone leave her stuff alone. She’s still alive!!!
It looks like I’m limited in my options. I could call up my uncles and yell at them for their insensitivity, but I believe that is my mom’s job. I could try to convince my grandma to stay, which I’m currently working on. My last resort is telling her I will move in and take care of her myself. I’ve contemplated this many times. My biggest concern is that she constantly worries about me. When I’m traveling she always wants me to call when I get home from my destination no matter if it’s 3am. Since I work until midnight most nights I don’t want her waiting up for me or worrying. Also, I’m not home very often as it is with work and school so I’m not sure how much assistance I’ll really be. I feel so conflicted. What can I do? I guess for now I’ll be with her as much as I can. Everyone spend time with their grandma. They are the best, but mine is even better.
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