Not for single girls

February 24, 2012

Day 23,

“Doesn’t sound like a trip for a single girl.” This is what someone told me yesterday. Now this statement might make sense if I was heading to the Middle East or Tijuana alone at night. However, the statement wasn’t due to one’s concern for my safety. So why was it said? That’s a good question.

Here’s how it went.

Facebook post by a friend:

“I’m doing Bishop in May, and I’m looking for an amateur photographer/videographer that wants to record the trip.”

This is one of those friendships that is a few personal hangouts away from being a real friend. He is a rock climber and Bishop is a rock climbing hot spot. Even though I’m more than just an amateur photographer I thought some people hanging from rocks would be a great addition to my portfolio.

Here’s my response and the web it spun into.

Me: Ummmm. Pick me.

Him: Uuuum are you sure? You and 5 dudes, camping, and fire pitting while we climb for 4 days?

Me: Ha I didn’t even check who was going. I mean I expect privacy when I pee in the bushes.

Him: Doesn’t sound like a trip for a single girl. 

Whoa… slow down mister. This is 2012 in California right? He can’t be serious. Does he think I can’t handle camping, fires, rock climbing, testosterone? And what is a trip for a single girl anyways? Driving to the mall or getting my nails done? I want to know what trips single girls are going on nowadays. I’ve traveled in Europe by myself. I’ve gone hiking and mountain biking in the woods alone. I’ve left the airport on a 4 hour layover in Istanbul and took a bus into the city… alone. I’ve driven a truck with an EcoJohn portable toilet (it burns the waste with propane) from Southern to Northern California all by myself. I’ve gone running through the mountains in Nepal with a buddy… oh wait no I was unaccompanied by a man or a flock of dainty girlies. 

Also, if I’m camping with 5 “men” I wouldn’t be a single girl would I? I’d be a girl with 5 guys. So if anything big and scary came to feast on flesh the big strong men could save me… even if I could run faster then probably most of them. Guys go on camping trips and forget that they work in a cubicle watching their gut not so slowly expand wondering if their wife was generous to cook something they liked. We all know it won’t be the game they hunted, but generic factory slaughtered beef burger. Am I ranting? Sorry it’s just what us single girls do. Back to the conversation.

My Sister came to my defense

Sis: have you spent anytime with my sister? The only footage would be of her looking back asking you all to hurry up. You know her motto is “you can sleep when you’re dead”?

What a good sister. Us single girls have to stick together.

Him: Anna- I’m CERTAIN she would destroy us all.

Me: Yes I would. And no place for a single girl? I am assuming you aren’t friends with rapists. And that you aren’t sexist. 

Him: I am not friends with any rapists that I am aware of. And am not sexist, that I can think of. I figures that a group of married guys taking a woman on a camping trip might give an incorrect impression. 

Me: I’m a photographer not a stripper for a bachelor party, but if you guys can’t distinguish between the two when a woman is added to the mix then I’ll understand… not really.    

This is where it gets tricky.

Him: can’t tell via Facebook if this was meant as a joke or not. So I just want you to know that nothing offensive:hurtful/annoying/upsetting/mildly irritating was intended. I have been known to be slightly uptight about perception, so please know that is where this is coming from.

Did I got to far? Darn sensitive men. Or maybe he’s just apologizing in public because I made him look like a sexist… I mean made himself look like one. 

Rather than continue a conversation that went down serious ally publicly he then texted me. I’m not actually going to include word for word what he said because it got a little too personal. Here’s the gist.

Him: Hey my buddie’s wives might not like having some cute photographer along with them. 

Yikers. I did not intend for this to happen. Well of course it’s not a ridiculously obscure reason. If guys would just keep it in their pants more and not use it as a brain substitute plenty more wives won’t need to fret over their husbands. Some women will always worry, but that is more their insecurities and trust issues. I say when you are dating someone let him hang out with all the hotties he wants and find out sooner than later. Of course this isn’t fool proof so don’t hold me accountable. Back to the interaction.

Me: I won’t ever respond upset on Facebook. What I said wasn’t out of anger. I mean it’s frustrating that certain guidelines have to be set. And I didn’t mean to put you in the position to feel like you had to explain yourself… For that I’m sorry. I’ll just wait for 5 heterosexual girls to go on a rock climbing camping trip and are in need of a photographer.

Him: Hahahahahahahahahaha! Don’t be bummed. I’ll see if you can be the video crew and how this might still work?

Oh no now he is trying to compromise. I don’t even think I want to go anymore. If he had said from the start, “oh great. Amy I would love you to come and shoot for us.” then it would have felt normal and natural. Now it feels like a big deal. I feel like I’d have to go through an interview process to make sure I’m not going for the wrong reason, “Oh this isn’t nude rock climbing. Never mind then.”

Me: Don’t change everything around. Seriously don’t stress about it. Besides you wouldn’t want me anyways. I would want to cook real food and not frank and beans, I’m trained in CPR and first aid, I don’t own a brush, only shave once a week, never hold in farts, and would want my dog to come  But she’s a girl too. So I’ll just wait for the girl trip.   

Him: Now I’m uncomfortable.

Me: Success. I’m only kidding. Besides I doubt you are uncomfortable. You seem like the type that thrives on awkwardness. Anywho. Have a good day. 

The conversation ended with him getting off the hook and me not becoming the campsite hooker. Damn. I guess I have to find a trip that is single girl suitable. Mall anyone?

another banished single girl

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