January 18, 2016

Does anyone else hate even years? I love those odd numbers years, but the good times are over and here comes miss easily divisible by 2, 4, and 8 year. What a slut year. It may have to do with being able to get front seat dibs on odd days while on even days my sis got the front seat. Stupid back seat even days. Anywho. 

The new year is here and I don’t know how to make it any different from last year. I have the same things on my resolutions list for the past 4 years. I figured this year I won’t make a list. Or copy and paste 2012’s list again. I’m going to pick one thing to do and go for it. Ever since I quit playing tennis competitively I’ve bounced around on what to do with my life. I’ve always had ideas on what to do, but never jumped in. I kinda dabbled in a lot of things: DJ, catering, photography, film, and then there’s always coaching tennis, which is what I do now. As much as I enjoy my job it is time for a change. 

But how do I prevent writing this same blog 365 days from now? What makes this year any different? I still don’t know. Even if I set little daily goals what is to keep me accountable? I’m usually fairly internally motivated, but that is only when the path is clear. If you do this and that then here is the outcome. What if I don’t know what steps to take? What if there is no path to follow? What if creating my own path isn’t a quality I posses? What if I’ve always followed the path others told me to go on? Even if it was for my own goals, I still had coaches, teachers, bosses telling me what needs to be done to get that win, grade, raise. Now I have an open field. No steps have corrupted it. The possibilities are endless. Yet I’m still looking for a path. Steps where others have gone. Any trace of a clue where to go. But there are no steps except the my own. I’m just standing. Making my feet sink deeper and deeper into a hole because I have refused to make my own way. Every year as the hole gets bigger it will be harder to step or soon climb out. If I wait too long I won’t see the field at all, but a dark hole of indecision and fear. Of life not lived.

How do you take that first step? 

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