The Bible for bucks

February 9, 2012

Day 38

Christian. What does that mean? Don’t worry I’m not going to talk about theology… today anyways. Christian means someone who believes in God and models their life after Jesus. This is my definition, on the most basic level. Based on this definition I’d call myself a Christian.

Hot topic I know. The reason I bring it up is because I’m getting paid to be religious. Not like pastors or televangelists. I’m getting paid to read the bible. Since I’m a Christian you might think well haven’t you already read it? And if you thought that you would be wrong. I was talking to my sister a couple days ago and asked if she has read the whole Bible. So I’m not the only Christian that has merely dabbled in God’s word. I’m not making excuses. Well kinda. I don’t know why some of us Christians haven’t read the whole thing. We usually just pick out the parables that we can apply to our lives. One reason might be because the Old Testament can be pretty scary. There are definitely some passages that make it hard to imagine God as loving father.

Oh back to why exploring my faith will get my some extra cash. Well last night Rez’s (my bf) grandpa, Bernie, invited us out to dinner at Red Lobster. By the way I failed my diet. I was planning on sticking to it, but I made a deal with Rez that if I slipped up this one time he won’t ever pressure me again and will be even more supportive of my hypoallergenic diet. Also, he said he wouldn’t make or eat any more cookies for the rest of the month. He is a chocolate chip cookie fiend. He’ll eat half a batch in one night. Damn him and his metabolism. Anywho. It was a deal worth making. Win win. Too bad I still tried to keep close to my diet because the tilapia was so so and overwhelmed with spices. Even the steamed broccoli couldn’t breathe underneath all the salt they put on it. Luckily my Bahama Mama drink was super delicious.

I still haven’t gotten to my point. If you’re still with me I’ll lay it out. Bernie is an atheist. Need I say more? Oh and he loves to argue. So I was thrown into a debate about the Bible (thanks Rez) and its accuracy. Bernie has read the Bible, the whole thing. Since I haven’t he challenged me to read it and he’d even pay for me to do it. Did I say he loves to argue? Enough to pay me to educate myself in my faith in order to better argue my case. He was so excited that I took him up on the challenge that he hurried us out of the restaurant and over to Barnes & Nobles to pick my weapon of choice (aka Bible).

Bernie picked out the first one he saw, but there are so many translations and since it’s the first time I’ve ever got a new Bible I needed some time to choose. NIV, NKJ, NLT what does it all mean? I gave my mom a call to get her opinion. Bernie couldn’t believe I was calling my mom and sarcastically said, “Why don’t you just ask God which Bible to get?”. So I got down on my knees and did just that. While praying loudly for some sort of Bible guidance Bernie had to walk away from embarrassment. Even though I didn’t get an answer it was worth watching Bernie squirm. After reading aloud passages in multiple translation to help my indecision Bernie just picked a nice leather NIV to buy. When we dropped him off he was all excited to discuss Genesis when I was ready.

I might need to join a study group. I learned that Bernie converted his first wife to atheism and “rescued” her from Christianity. I’m hoping he isn’t trying to do the same to me. I feel like we are battling for the Rez’s soul. Bernie is trying to convince him to come to the dark side. No Rez come to the… light side? I looked up the opposite of dark side and couldn’t find anything substantial. Geez the dark side always has all the cool stuff… we can’t even get a good name.

Light or Dark you can choose for yourself. No matter what I’m $150 richer. Thank God.

Vive’s punishment when she doesn’t heel

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