January 17, 2012

Day 16

Coincidence? After blogging about weddings last night I wake up this morning to the notification that my ex-boyfriend just got engaged. What impeccable timing? Maybe I should ask if he needs a dj. When I notified my family their first response was, “Are you ok?”. Which is a normal question  to ask when the person I was once in love with decided to tie the knot with someone else. My honest answer to their concerned  question was just that I was shocked. We had broken up about a year and a half ago and they started dating last March… about 10 months ago. It all seems fast, but then again I like to take my time. My mom always told me that it takes about 2 years to see all the different sides of someone (this includes the engagement… I think). Someone could hide their problems for maybe a year if they are really talented, but eventually their true colors will show. The extra year is preparing for whether a lifetime together is a possibility. Then again my grandma only knew my grandpa for a month before they got married and they were together for over 50 years.

Me and my ex were together for over 1.5 years before we broke up. One problem was the different continents we were on…. the other ones aren’t worth mentioning. This isn’t about me convincing myself that he wasn’t the one. I’m pretty sure I always knew that, but like my mom said “Amy, be careful because you can’t help who you fall in love with.” So true. If you like someone as a friend, but you know it wouldn’t work then don’t hang out with them every day. Unless they are gay… actually sometimes you can fall in love with them too.

Coincidence? I’m also peaking that hormonal time of the month so everything is wickity wack. I got trapped inside my head thinking I was getting old maidish. I feel like everyone around me is getting married. Or they are already married. Yet I still don’t feel ready to get married. I plan on waiting till half my friends get divorced so I’ve lowered my percentages. I’m not being pessimistic or bitter. Statistics show that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. I think if I wait till the second marriage age then I’ve lowered my chances. When I was 19 I told my first boyfriend that I didn’t want to get married till I was 28. He said he’d wait, but… well he’s waiting, but not for me anymore.
As I was getting trapped in my head and emotions my mom said, “Just because you are surrounded by babies doesn’t mean you have one.” So wise. So true. I wish her wisdom came before I freaked on my current boyfriend telling him to hurry up and save money to buy my ring that I’m not prepared to wear. He did say he liked crazy girls… so really he brought it upon himself.

I can say I’m happy for my ex… even if it’s not true. I kid. He was a great guy. I wish him the best. I had  hoped he’d live in the loss of the amazing Amy for a little longer, but that’s just me being selfish. I wish I was every guy’s girl that got away. I’m a narcissist.

So Ex I wish you the best. Years of happiness… and only a few of regret.

A provoking button at work

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