Here comes the brides

Day 15

Weddings. I don’t know how after so many years why we still haven’t figured out an online solution to wedding planning. All you do is enter your date, pick a theme (country, modern, chic), music genre, food, flowers, venue, ect. There’s an app for that… right? I think it would be great to enter in all your info then be able to compare prices like you do for checking flights. If there is a website that simplifies all your choices let me know. If this were possible then what I participated in today wouldn’t need to exist. Bridal fairs. Shouldn’t they really be called wedding fairs in order to be politically correct. Can’t have a wedding without a groom. I guess in some states you can… kudos to those states by the way.

Today as I was trying to promote me and my friends dj business I encountered many frantic and overwhelmed brides… and one or two grooms… tisk tisk grooms. I felt like I was in a farmer’s market trying to convince the customer that my fruit was fresher, sweeter, and less expensive (cheaper isn’t a good word to use… sounds too much like cheap). There is a reason I’m not in sales. It’s exhausting talking to people. Which is probably why I don’t have many friends. I realized that our setup wasn’t as flashy or prestigious as other djs booths, but we were the cheapest (I mean best deal).

I don’t really care to talk about my sales pitching skills, but rather the thousands of brides and their victims that passed through the halls of the wedding smorgasbord. Even though I’m not any where close to walking down any aisle, but one’s shelved with edibles I went through the torture chambers of the bridal fair booths. Wow there are a lot of different things trying to convince of it’s necessity in your wedding. For example, I was stationed next to a woman who had doves that you could release after the ceremony. Doves? There were lovely creatures, but do you have any lions that will walk me down the aisle? Or wolf cubs to hold the flowers? Now that would be awesome. Nothing against doves.

There was over 150 venues. From photographers and cinematographers, djs (the most important), caterers, bakers, florists, stylists, dress designers, plastic surgeons (cause the person who asked you to marry them needed you to change some physical appearances first. “Well sweetheart I guess we can’t get our rings engraved in order to pay for the boob job.”), personal trainers, and so on. There are so many different decisions to make. I got anxiety just through the vibes of the consumers were putting out. And my family wonders why I don’t want to do wedding photography. So much stress. How could anyone afford all this? How do you decide what’s important and what’s not necessary? I’m so glad I’m “waiting” until all my friends get married do so I can learn from their mistakes.

All I want is someone to get everything ready for me and not have to worry. Eloping to Vegas is starting to look better and better. I’m hoping that by the time I’m ready to tie the knot around my neck everything will be programmed online. A girl can dream can’t she? Maybe over the years I’ll just make friends in every different type of wedding field… “Oh you are an event planner? My name is Amy let’s be friends.” I guess I better start work on my communication endurance. Weddings. Is it really worth it? I guess there is only one way to find out.

If I get too old for a Vegas wedding go ahead and give me all your recommendations. I feel like I should be prepared years in advance… for planning my sister’s wedding of course. I’m not the wedding type. Not that I don’t want to get married. I just don’t want what I’ve seen today. I’m thinking cirque du soliel theme. They have lions right?

As for wedding dresses go I won’t drag everyone along to endure in my indecision. Besides I won’t really care about anyone’s opinion anyways. It’ll be short. It’ll be danceable. And I plan on looking hot as hell… Umm… where was that personal training booth again?

I’m not discounting the holy matrimony in every… I mean any… way. I enjoy weddings… as long as they have an open bar… and a great dj of course.

happily ever after