Get Burnt

October 11, 2017

What could I say about Burning Man that hasn’t already been said? Well I guess it depends on what you’ve already heard about it. If you’re anything like my parents then you’ve probably only heard one side. If your thoughts on burning man are like…. “Isn’t that place just about drugs and orgies?” then I’m so glad I get to share with you what it’s really all about. I mean, it is about drugs and orgies, but what isn’t? I kid. Not about the orgies. I definitely passed by that tent multiple times without an inkling of curiosity. That’s not true. I was curious about how bad it smelled, how often they changed the sheets, is it air-conditioned, what happens if they run out of condoms, what time does it open, is there a back door so none of my friends see me walk in, is it just the same old men that walk around naked or are their any cute ones? Why is it only old men that you see naked at nude beaches? One of the first thing my dad asked me when I got back from Burning Man was, “Did you see any Shirt Cockers?” (men who wear shirts and no pants. Also known as Donald Ducking) 

I don’t know why the didn’t call it Whinny the Poohing…One can only guess.

 

Or my favorite Porky the Pigging.

 

Well back to my dad’s weird question. The answer is “Duck No.” 

Anywho. Burning Man is about so much more. I promise. Mom, I promise. I’m going for the art… and stuff. Let me start with my previous thoughts on Burning Man. It is a huge festival. It is expensive and you have to know someone cool to get in. I’ve wanted to go for years. People I’ve met that have gone always talk about how amazing it is. They also say you have to join a camp. HAVE TO!! Like don’t even bother if you’re not in a camp. Then when I ask if I can just join their camp they say something like, “Oh everyone’s been there forever and we don’t let new people in. Sorry.” Or “Our camp is kinda exclusive. You have to be a member of our Satanic cult first.” So really what I heard was, “Omg it’s the best party ever, but it’s really too bad you’re not invited. I wish I could invite you, but you know it’s not at my house and the host only wants his super cool friends there. Maybe you could find another party. Like a smaller one for like people more like you. And you could work your way up. Good luck. I hope to see you there.” 

So what I decided to do was date some “cool” guy. What makes a guy cool? What makes anyone cool? He was in a band. That’ll do. He got invited to go… by his bandmate. Soooo cool. Also, they were going to be apart of a band camp. Wait, that doesn’t sound cool at all. A musical camp. Nope. Oh well. A camp full of musicians. Soooo cool. Only problem. I wasn’t invited. Luckily, this cool guy I was kicking it with said he wouldn’t go without me. I know, right?! Cool and sweet. Well don’t wet yourselves yet, ladies. I said, “Will you not go without me?”.. and he said…. “uuuuuuugghhhhh, fine.” Totally not cool, but being cool is so overrated. That’s what I’ve heard. In my own head. Everyday. 

Luckily, his bandmate wanted him to go enough that I got an afterthought invite. And I was definitely not too cool to turn it down. However, I did find my own ticket! I know what you’re thinking, “if you could easily find your own ticket then why the big fuss?” Well I HAD to be in a camp. Aren’t you paying attention?

So I’d got the golden ticket and I’m in a camp. I was stoked! Well that’s when everyone starts telling you all the shit you have to buy and everything you can’t do. Wait?! What?! There’s rules? I thought rules weren’t allowed. Like Neverland minus the pirates trying to kill you.

The Rules:
  • Don’t wear a tank top two days in a row.
  • You can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week.
  • On Wednesdays we wear pink.
  • You can only wear jeans or track pants on Friday.
  • Be effortlessly plastic.

Oops sorry. Wrong cool club.

Burning Man Style Guide:

  • No Sequins
  • No labels
  • Where a Tutu on Tuesday
  • Where White on Wednesday

I always thought the outfits I saw at Burning Man were amazing. And I love costumes. I coach kids and I have a lot of costumes from weekly theme days at summer camp. Yes, I came up with theme days. Yes, I always dress up. I was planning on being a different Disney character every day. However, I was told going as Disney characters isn’t apart of the Burner ethos, “Well Amy, there isn’t supposed to be any commercialism.”

What?! Luckily, my mom is a fashion guru and master thrift store huntress that provided me with some amazing outfits. 

Me: “Mom don’t you think this is a little revealing? Half my butt is out.”  

Mom: “No. Good thing you’ve been working out.”

Me: “Thanks?” (sets down bar of chocolate)

Also, my sister is a makeup artist and sent me some awesome hair dye and bright makeup glitter. “Oh sorry Amy, glitter isn’t allowed. It ruins the dust.” So many rules. I then recruited my fellow burner virgin to dye my hair using plastic bags on his hands as I then rubbed in the dye. So after I got the outfits down it was off to the real semi-important things… like food, water and whatever. 

Here’s the Burning Man Guide. A long list of to-dos and not-to-dos. 

Here are my favorite:

  1. DECOMMODIFICATION ” In order to preserve the spirit of giving, our community seeks to create social environments that are unmediated by commercial sponsorships, transactions, or advertising. We stand ready to protect our culture from such exploitation. We resist the substitution of consumption for participatory experience.
  2. RADICAL SELF-RELIANCE” Burning Man encourages the individual to discover, exercise, and rely on his or her inner resources.
  3. COMMUNAL EFFORT”! Our community values creative cooperation and collaboration. We strive to produce, promote, and protect social networks, public spaces, works of art, and methods of communication that support such interaction.
  4. RADICAL INCLUSION “! Anyone may be a part of Burning Man. We welcome and respect the stranger. No prerequisites exist for participation in our community.
  5. GIFTING “Burning Man is devoted to acts of gift-giving. The value of a gift is unconditional. Gifting does not contemplate a return or an exchange for something of equal value.

Here is my interpretation.

Everyone is included in Burning Man, but you should know someone to be in a camp and have enough money for the $500 ticket and able to take a week off of work. It’s all about community. However, you should be fully self-reliant so don’t come asking for help. Also, don’t bring trash, but try to give everyone a dumb useless gift. Also, you can’t sell or buy anything, but we can and it’s coffee and ice. How can anyone enjoy community and art without coffee and having to drink warm beer? We aren’t savages. 

I know you’re wondering why anyone would want to go to this thing? Sounds like a big hassle. Well it is. But so is any vacation. Even though this doesn’t sound like your usual Hawaiian beach resort getaway… Oh damn that sounds nice. I should have done that. Burning Man is so foreign and unknown. You do all this research to prepare, but you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. That is what makes it so exciting. 

The week before we left we were getting all our equipment ready. 

YOU MUST BRING:

  • Your ticket or your photo ID (I’ve heard of people driving 12 hours and forgetting their ticket. Bummer)
  • 1.5 gallons of water per person per day 
  • A reusable water bottle 
  • Food & beverages: Our Costco list: trail mix, protein food bars (Quest Bars are my fave), Canned chicken, jerky, apples, almond butter, crackers, prunes (don’t wanna get plugged up out in the desert), chai tea, Aussie bites (my mom made them!), lots of warm beer. 
  • An extensive first-aid kit
  • Sunscreen/sunblock & sunglasses
  • Warm clothing
  • Particle/dust mask 
  • Goggles to protect eyes during dust storms
  • Rope or tie-down straps
  • Emergency toilet: bring a 5 gallon utility bucket with lid and garbage bag liners
  • Hand sanitizer 
  • Garbage and recycling bags, and tools to clean up your camp 
  • Duct tape—you’ll find a need for it, guaranteed (We didn’t)
  • Flashlights and spare batteries (headlamps are useful) 
  • Lights for your bike and your person for safe nighttime travel 
  • A good camp tent or other shelter and warm sleeping bags and bedding (Our tent barely fit our air mattress)
  • Common sense, an open mind, a sense of humor and a positive attitude (Never had one.) 

STRONGLY SUGGESTED YOU BRING

  • Shade structures, umbrellas, parasols, sheets; something to break the midday sun (Luckily our camp provided shade)
  • A wide brim hat (a chinstrap is useful in the wind) 
  • A cooking stove if you expect to heat food or liquid (our camp provided meals)
  • A bicycle (mountain bikes or cruisers with balloon tires are best) 
  • A bike lock (tag your bike with name, playa address, email and/ or phone information) 
  • Bicycle tire repair kit, pump, spare parts and extra tubes 
  • Portable shower with a drain system to collect and manage greywater (I wish I had this!)
  • Lotion, lip balm and earplugs (not everyone will want to sleep when you do!) 
  • Watertight protective bags (e.g., heavy zip-type) for cameras or electronic gear 
  • Costumes, musical instruments, props, decorations, and anything that might make the experience more fun for you and your playa neighbors 
  • A battery powered AM/ FM radio (Our camp ALWAYS played music. Super loud. At all times.)
  • Camp marker
  • 12” tent stakes (rebar is cheap and effective in high wind) 
  • Plastic bottles or tennis balls to top and protect dangerous rebar stakes (We are tennis pros and didn’t bring any used balls. We saw brand new cans opened for this use. What a waste.)
  • Extra set of car keys (keys are easily lost and there is no locksmith in BRC!) 
  • A reusable travel coffee mug
  • A five gallon bucket (I have no idea why this is listed. Didn’t get one or wish I had one)

And you thought the ticket was expensive? Still worth it? We’ll see. 

So $1000 later I’m ready for Burning Man! You don’t even need to read about how my experience was. These before and after pictures explains it all.

Besides, you’ve already heard all about it before. Drugs and orgies. 

 

But if you really wanna know I’ll fill you in. Coming soon to a blog near you. 

You Might Also Like

18 Comments

  • Rach March 9, 2018 at 1:31 am

    Ha ha, I’m not really a festival goer and this is brilliant! Don’t think I have any on the ‘in’ to be in a camp anywhere. ? Looks like a HUGE amount of prep! Hope you had fun.

  • Liliam January 21, 2019 at 12:51 am

    Well I guess I don’t have to spend the weekend fiirgung this one out!

  • Nephi January 21, 2019 at 12:54 am

    Th’eres nothing like the relief of finding what you’re looking for.

  • firtukloimutrzas April 7, 2019 at 8:24 pm

    Thanks for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a entertainment account it. Glance complex to far introduced agreeable from you! By the way, how could we keep in touch?

  • firtuklo imutrzas April 11, 2019 at 5:13 am

    The very crux of your writing whilst sounding reasonable originally, did not sit properly with me personally after some time. Someplace throughout the paragraphs you were able to make me a believer unfortunately just for a while. I nevertheless have got a problem with your leaps in logic and you would do nicely to help fill in all those breaks. In the event you can accomplish that, I would undoubtedly be fascinated.

  • westbrook shoes April 27, 2019 at 8:40 pm

    I simply wanted to compose a simple note in order to say thanks to you for some of the remarkable techniques you are giving out at this website. My extensive internet look up has at the end of the day been recognized with good quality know-how to exchange with my family. I would mention that most of us visitors actually are definitely fortunate to dwell in a great site with so many lovely people with very helpful tips and hints. I feel rather blessed to have come across your webpages and look forward to many more enjoyable times reading here. Thanks once more for everything.

  • goyard handbags April 29, 2019 at 12:54 pm

    I simply wanted to say thanks once again. I’m not certain the things that I might have handled without the ideas shown by you on that situation. Completely was a real frustrating condition for me personally, nevertheless encountering your professional strategy you dealt with it forced me to weep over happiness. I am just happy for this help and in addition hope you recognize what a powerful job you have been putting in instructing other individuals by way of your blog post. Probably you’ve never encountered any of us.

  • cheap nfl jerseys May 1, 2019 at 9:21 am

    I precisely wanted to thank you very much again. I do not know the things that I might have handled in the absence of the entire tips and hints shown by you directly on my area. It seemed to be a very daunting condition in my circumstances, but finding out your expert technique you resolved it took me to jump over joy. I am happier for this service and even sincerely hope you really know what a powerful job your are carrying out teaching most people through the use of your webblog. Most likely you’ve never met all of us.

  • ultra boost May 2, 2019 at 4:26 am

    I together with my buddies appeared to be studying the good information and facts located on your web page then all of a sudden I got a terrible suspicion I never thanked you for those strategies. The young boys came certainly glad to read all of them and already have certainly been making the most of those things. Appreciation for genuinely indeed kind and then for finding variety of wonderful issues millions of individuals are really desirous to discover. My very own sincere apologies for not saying thanks to sooner.

  • supreme clothing May 3, 2019 at 12:43 am

    I precisely desired to say thanks once again. I do not know the things that I could possibly have made to happen without those tactics documented by you concerning that subject matter. It absolutely was a very scary issue in my view, but taking note of the specialized manner you handled the issue made me to jump with contentment. I am grateful for your guidance and in addition trust you find out what an amazing job you are providing educating some other people via a site. Most probably you’ve never come across all of us.

  • asics shoes May 4, 2019 at 5:59 pm

    I and also my guys happened to be looking through the best techniques from your website then the sudden I had a horrible feeling I had not expressed respect to the site owner for those secrets. All of the young men became for that reason glad to study all of them and now have without a doubt been making the most of these things. Appreciation for getting so thoughtful and also for choosing such cool resources most people are really desirous to be aware of. Our sincere apologies for not expressing appreciation to earlier.

  • air max 2017 May 8, 2019 at 1:34 pm

    Thank you for all of the effort on this web page. Kate really loves making time for investigations and it is easy to understand why. Most people know all concerning the compelling means you deliver effective tricks through the blog and as well as attract response from other people on that situation while my simple princess is really studying so much. Take pleasure in the rest of the new year. You’re the one carrying out a splendid job.

  • yeezy boost 350 v2 May 11, 2019 at 2:36 pm

    I together with my pals were examining the great hints on the blog and then unexpectedly I got an awful feeling I never thanked the blog owner for those strategies. The men had been so excited to read through all of them and have in fact been taking pleasure in these things. I appreciate you for genuinely really helpful and also for opting for certain magnificent themes millions of individuals are really wanting to know about. My very own honest regret for not expressing gratitude to sooner.

  • bape hoodie May 12, 2019 at 3:47 pm

    Thanks for all your hard work on this blog. Ellie delights in getting into investigation and it is simple to grasp why. A lot of people hear all relating to the powerful method you provide both interesting and useful suggestions on your website and therefore strongly encourage contribution from other people about this content then my princess is truly discovering a lot. Enjoy the remaining portion of the new year. You’re the one doing a remarkable job.

  • Discover More May 13, 2019 at 5:39 am

    I simply want to tell you that I am very new to blogging and certainly loved your web blog. Almost certainly I’m want to bookmark your website . You really have very good posts. Thank you for sharing your website.

  • 릴게임다운로드 May 14, 2019 at 9:21 pm

    I¡¦ve recently started a web site, the info you provide on this site has helped me greatly. Thanks for all of your time & work.

  • W88 Thai May 14, 2019 at 9:53 pm

    Thank you a lot for providing individuals with such a marvellous chance to check tips from here. It is usually so brilliant and as well , full of fun for me and my office colleagues to visit your blog nearly three times every week to read the fresh issues you have. And of course, we’re usually astounded with all the great things served by you. Some 1 facts in this article are in truth the most impressive we have all had.

  • 먹튀폴리스 사이트 May 15, 2019 at 8:03 am

    I have noticed that expenses for internet degree specialists tend to be a great value. Like a full College Degree in Communication with the University of Phoenix Online consists of Sixty credits with $515/credit or $30,900. Also American Intercontinental University Online makes available Bachelors of Business Administration with a overall education course element of 180 units and a tariff of $30,560. Online degree learning has made getting the college diploma been so detailed more than before because you may earn your degree from the comfort of your home and when you finish from office. Thanks for all the tips I have certainly learned through your blog.

  • Leave a Reply