I don’t have false teeth…. yet, but its seems that they are on their way. Ever since I was young I have undergone many forms of oral torture (don’t be gross). I’ll never forget one of the first times my parents betrayed my trust. I was about 9 years old and sitting in a waiting room not knowing what to expect when I see a kid around my age walk out of the backroom with a mouth full of bloody cotton. I looked at my mom and said something like I”m glad I”m not that kid… but wait I was about to be. For some reason the oral surgeon advised my parents to not tell me I was getting my teeth pulled. What kind of dr. is this? Is this what he does to his kids?… “hey kids we are going to Disneyland.” Then he would drop them off at computer camp. Why would you do that to a child? I remember feeling so betrayed. Once I found out I was going under the knife I remember the fear and distrust I had. I looked at my mom, “How could you do this to me? Don’t you love me anymore?”. Over the years it only went downhill. I don’t know why I’ve been cursed with faulty dental. Before I was 12 I had a gum graph (gum graph is when they cut off gum from the roof of your mouth then create a pocket at your gum line and stick the roof gum inside the receding gum line) along 12 teeth pulled.
The second time my parents were dishonest with me is when my mom told me I needed to get more teeth pulled. I cried and said I didn’t care if my teeth were crooked. My mom assured me I wouldn’t have to have braces if I got this done. “Promise? Yes, Promise.” Lies!! About a year later I had to get braces. I should have run away from home after that. I endured through that misery thankful it was all over. I finally had straight teeth and it was only slightly worth it. Now all I had to do was wear my retainer. Well after all that suffering I was definitely going to make sure that I didn’t mess it up by not wearing these silly things. Then around 19 I had to get my wisdom teeth pulled otherwise they’d push my oh so straight teeth forward to crooked town. Nothing like being bed ridden miserable during my Christmas break and then going back to college with chipmunk cheeks. That should have been my last oral hell right?
Oh wait. Due to my lovely genetics I have receding gums. So at 22 I had to have another gum graph. Luckily the roof of my mouth has plenty of extra gum. It is a terrible experience, especially since my medication wasn’t ready when the surgery drugs wore off. I hate my mouth.
As I was admiring my 28 dancing white horses I noticed that the bottom ones seem to have shifted. WTF!! When did this happen? From the time I got my braces off at 13 through high school, college, and living abroad I wore that damn ugly retainer every night… I might have missed a day or two… but no more than 3 in a row. So how is it that when I went to the orthodontist last year he told me that I needed to have braces again?! Are you kidding me?! I don’t know anyone as vigilant in wearing their retainer as me so how did my teeth move? What conspiracies are going on within the orthodontic society. When they said this I cried in the reclining chair of death. Not only are braces painful, never look good on anyone (especially past 13), they are also friggin expensive. I do not have an extra $1,300 to be apart of this conspiracy again. Am I gonna have to get braces every 10 years because retainers aren’t doing there job. Forget it!
Now if that were the end of my oral misery I wouldn’t have written this blog. However, today I went back to the orthodontist because due to my receding gums my teeth are becoming sensitive. I knew that this was inevitable. All my gums are receding and they only do a few teeth at a time… it’s time for those other teeth. I’ve been stressing about this for a while. As I try to make chit chat with the hygienist my heart rate is rising. I ask her if it is the same procedure as 4 years ago? Do they put you under? Do the stitches dissolve rather than leave the roof of your mouth extremely irritated every time you do anything like talk or eat? Is anything about this experience at all better? Please give me hope… nope… it’s all the same.
Finally the Dr. walks in and takes a look at my cursed mouth. To my surprise my gums haven’t receded any more since my last visit. But just cause they haven’t receded any more doesn’t mean they aren’t still as bad as before. The Dr. gives me 1-2 years to get the gum graph done on my bottom left side. Then 20 years for the top gums. So that’s a little relief. Until they give me the quote for my doom day… $2,200!!!! Ok that’s it give me the dentures.