9-5

Day 34

Errands. I hate running them, but what I hate more is running other people’s errands. My day was going along so smoothly. I had a nice relaxing yoga session. I was still in a state of shavasana (relaxation pose) when I met my dad at Starbucks (don’t worry I didn’t break my diet with a delicious chai). I left my state of peace as soon as I went to pick up my boyfriend (Rez, named changed to protect the not-so-innocent) from getting his tires changed. As I tried to take a path less traveled I realized that my path didn’t lead me in the right direction. So I had to take the crowded way. I don’t understand why there are so many people driving around at 1pm on a Friday? No wonder this county has the highest unemployment rating in all of California, everyone is running errands and taking up space rather than working or getting interviews for potential jobs. As I make my way through the masses I finally end up at American Tires. Hmmm… Rez is no where to be found. I call him up for him to tell me… oops I’m at Les Shwab Tires, which is 100 yards from the Starbucks I just came from. Yell… scream… hang-up. I had my whole errand map planned out based on where I was currently.  Pick up boyfriend, go to library for returns (1mi away), walk the dog at the park (2mi away), then drop off Rez on the way home. Perfect plan now ruined!!

I was stuck at one light for 5 turns. 5!!! Now I’m just even more pissed. Oh did I forget to mention that I haven’t eaten anything today. Luckily, when Rez picked up my dog earlier I asked him to bring me some food from the house. Then while driving I was so starving that I accidentally drove right past the tire store to Trador Joe’s. Ugh. Don’t you hate it when every exit says “right turn only”? I finally make it to stupid Les Shwab Tires to find out that my soon to be ex-boyfriend forgot my food at home. How will I survive the rest of my day? If you haven’t realized by now I don’t do well when I’m hungry. The diagnosis has been called “Fungrage” which is f***ing hungry rage, fungrage. To get a clearer picture of what I’m like in this state of mind is to watch the zombies in the movie “28 Days Later”. But just like the zombies it’s not my fault something takes over me. Rez took my advice and bought me some food at Trader Joe’s right across the street. I figured while I’m there I’d pick up some extra gluten-free treats for later. If you ever go shopping with me don’t let me pick out the checkout line… ever. I don’t know why this lady was insistent on having all of her groceries shoved into the 3 recyclable bags she brought from home. After the checker tried her best the lady finally gave in to using a paper bag for the last few items… tree killer.

By the time I made it back to the car I was the bad guy for leaving the dog in the car for 15 minutes. Just give me my food before I eat both of you. Then the tire place called and said that the tires were too old and needed replaced not rotated. Amy hurry and eat before the zombie attacks. So I push Rez out of my car as a drive by Les Schwab for the third time. I keep the dog with me… you know if case I get hungry again. We decided to meet up at the river trail for a walk after we both run an errand. Mine was to the library and his was to pick up “real” food. On my way to the library I stop at the bank which was close by. I decide to do drive-up because I have my dog with me. I hate to hear her whimper. Did I mention that I should never pick out lines? The two people in front of me must have been stolen checks and were depositing them one at a time. It took almost 20 minutes before it was my turn. Right as I pulled up I looked at the time 2:28pm. When I pulled away from the atm it was 2:30pm. Two minutes. Maybe they should have timer for everyone that pulls up and if you go past 5 minutes the bank charges a “quit being a slow asshole fee”… Bank of America would be all over having a reason to charge a new fee.

By the time I get the highway and take my exit to the library I realize that Rez is probably done eating by now so I decide to go straight instead of a left to the library. Wow the lane next to me is a left turning lane too? I almost got into an accident. Ahh I’m losing my mind. I finally make it to the river trail ready to release some tension when I realize that Rez said the Sun Dial trail not the river trail; “Ummm Rez do you think you could leave the destination we agreed upon and come over to the river trail?” So I guess he’s not the only one that makes mistakes. However, it is all his fault because he through off the alignment first. I felt like I was a spinner top that hit a wrong bump and wasn’t going to be able to adjust before falling. By the time I got home it was 5pm. Even though it was my day off I still felt like I was working a 9-5 shift. My next day off I’m never leaving the house and my spinner top will never quit spinning… would that mean I was dreaming…? I hope so.

life saver from the library